Fiction Empire

Fish

Babel Fish
Translator fish that Arthur removes from his ear after his adventures off-Earth, and drops in a bowl of water in his house.

The Campaign to Save the Humans

Plans

Initiatives

The Campaign to Save the Humans
The dolphins' failed initiative to save the humans before the destruction of the Earth.

Ford

Ford
Ford Prefect: Life is like a grapefruit... it's sort of orangey-yellow and dimpled on the outside, wet and squidgy in the middle. It's got pips inside, too. Oh, and some people have half a one for breakfast.

Fuolornis Fire Dragons

Fuolornis Fire Dragons
Dragons with breath like a rocket booster and teeth like a park fence.

Giant Silver Robot

Giant Silver Robot
Giant Silver Robot: I come in peace. Take me to your Lizard.

Greater Drubbered Wintwock

Greater Drubbered Wintwock
Extinct creature from Stegbartle Major.

Marvin

Marvin
Marvin: I think I feel good about it.

Mattress

Mattress
Creature from the planet Squornshellous Zeta.

Murray Bost Henson

Murray Bost Henson
Murray Bost Henson: This man is the bee's knees, Arthur, he is the wasp's nipples. He is, I would go so far as to say, the entire set of erogenous zones of every major flying insect of the Western world. We're calling him the Rain God. Nice, eh?

Narrator

Narrator
Narrator: Since he had left Denmark the previous afternoon, he had been through types 33 (light pricking drizzle which made the roads slippery), 39 (heavy spotting), 47 to 51 (vertical light drizzle through to sharply slanting light to moderate drizzle freshening), 87 and 88 (two finely distinguished varieties of vertical torrential downpour), 100 (post-downpour squalling, cold), all the seastorm types between 192 and 213 at once, 123, 124, 126, 127 (mild and intermediate cold gusting, regular and syncopated cab-drumming), 11 (breezy droplets), and now his least favourite of all, 17. Rain type 17 was a dirty blatter battering against his windscreen so hard that it didn't make much odds whether he had his wipers on or off.

Narrator

Narrator
Narrator: What then? What happened next? And the answer is, of course, that the book ended. The next one didn't resume the story till five years later, and you can, claim some, take discretion too far. This Arthur Dent, comes the cry from the furthest reaches of the galaxy, and has even now been found inscribed on a mysterious deep space probe thought to originate from an alien galaxy at a distance too hideous to contemplate, what is he, man or mouse? Is he interested in nothing more than tea and the wider issues of life? Has he no spirit? has he no passion? Does he not, to put it in a nutshell, fuck?

Narrator

Narrator
Narrator: If you took a couple of David Bowies and stuck one of the David Bowies on the top of the other David Bowie, then attached another David Bowie to the end of each of the arms of the upper of the first two David Bowies and wrapped the whole business up in a dirty beach robe you would then have something which didn't exactly look like John Watson, but which those who knew him would find hauntingly familiar.

Narrator

New Lifeform that Spontaneously Emerged ...

Narrator
Narrator: It folded back on itself like something that Maurits C. Escher, had he been given to hard nights on the town, which is no part of this narrative's purpose to suggest was the case, though it is sometimes hard, looking at his pictures, particularly the one with the awkward steps, not to wonder, might have dreamed up after having been on one, for the little chandeliers which should have been hanging inside were on the outside pointing up.

New Lifeform that Spontaneously Emerged from the Extravagantly Polluted East River in Ford's Dream
New Lifeform That Spontaneously Emerged From The Extravagantly Polluted East River In Ford's Dream: Hi, I'm completely new to the Universe in all respects. Is there anything you can tell me?

Press Conference Announcer

Press Conference Announcer
Press Conference Announcer: I'm afraid I can't comment on the name Rain God at this present time, and we are calling him an example of a Spontaneous Para-Causal Meteorological Phenomenon.

Press Conference Announcer

Press Conference Announcer
Press Conference Announcer: Let's be straight here. If we find something we can't understand we like to call it something you can't understand, or indeed pronounce. I mean if we just let you go around calling him a Rain God, then that suggests that you know something we don't, and I'm afraid we couldn't have that. No, first we have to call it something which says it's ours, not yours, then we set about finding some way of proving it's not what you said it is, but something we say it is. And if it turns out that you're right, you'll still be wrong, because we will simply call him Supernormal, not paranormal or supernatural because you think you know what those mean now, no, a Supernormal Incremental Precipitation Inducer. We'll probably want to shove a Quasi in there somewhere to protect ourselves.

Super-fly

Super-fly
A remarkable new breed designed by Blart Versenwald III that could, unaided, figure out how to fly through the open half of a half-open window.

Untitled

Themes

Pleasantville


#a32006	#b47d44	#d8d2aa

Wonko the Sane