Fiction Empire

Adam
Adam: Think of it like Shrek, you know? The first two are cute and funny, But this third one sucked dick.

Adam

Adam
Adam: Oh, what, you don't know about gay chicken? That's where two totally straight guys try and out-gay each other.

Adam

Adam
Adam: So hear me, world, 'cause these are my last words. If you take anything from Adam 'The Top Gun' Demamp's life, take this. Take it sleazy. And I'm out. Write that down. Take it sleazy and I'm out are my last words. And I'm killing myself.

Adam

Adam
Adam: Sex twister makes my dick blister.

Adam

Adam
Adam: I'm just a lat guy, you know? I've got these amazing lats, and I'm just living in an ab guy's world.

Adam

Adam
Adam: Hello and welcome to the Body Stage! Where I will be performing feats of strength and skill by clean and jerking four gallons of lead-based paint - without spilling a single drop.

Anders

Anders
Anders: All I want this weekend is to get a hickey on my neck so when we go back to the office, everyone's like, Did you see Ders? He had a freakend, for sure.

Anders

Anders
Anders: You guys ever feel like sometimes you're in the lane eight of life? Yeah. Treading water, trying to keep your head above when we should really probably just sink to the bottom of the pool, open our mouths, and let the water end it all.

Anders

Anders
Anders: This rock star needs a monster can of Red Bull right now!

Anders

Anders
Anders: All I want this weekend is to get a hickey on my neck so when we go back to the office, everyone's like, Did you see Ders? He had a freakend, for sure.

Anders Holm

Anders Holm
Anders Holm: This is my Volvo, my rules!

Anders' middle school, mascot = the Crow...

Trivia

Questions

Anders' middle school, mascot = the Crows.

	Eric Draven Middle School
	Brandon Lee Middle School
	James O\|Barr Middle School

Asian Girl Laughing

Asian Girl Laughing
Swim stroke Anders teaches the guys.

Baloney Boys

Baloney Boys
New name the guys give themselves.

Bash Bros.

Bash Bros.
The guys brainstorm names to call themselves.

BermuDope HighAngle

BermuDope HighAngle
When the guys discover all that the only weed they have Saturday morning cartoons is a mini nug, they come up with a new way to smoke it in order to ensure they get high.

Bill

Bill
Bill: Can we talk about my relationship with my stepsister? I feel like it might not be appropriate.

Bill

Bill
Bill: Can somebody fix me? My mind is a tormented battlefield.

Blake

Blake
Blake: What are shrimpermen? Dude, shrimpermen. The waiters that pass out shrimp at fancy establishments such as this. Shrimpermen. You don't know shrimpermen?

Blake

Blake
Blake: Okay, yeah, I don't really believe in a supreme being. I'm, uh I guess you could say I'm more of a eighth-eist.

Blake

Blake
Blake: What are shrimpermen? Dude, shrimpermen. The waiters that pass out shrimp at fancy establishments such as this. Shrimpermen. You don't know shrimpermen?

Blake

Blake
Blake: Okay, yeah, I don't really believe in a supreme being. I'm, uh I guess you could say I'm more of a eighth-eist.

Blake

Blake
Blake: If we don't learn from History Channel, we're doomed to repeat History Channel.

Bone Cone

Bone Cone
Slang for erection. "Okay, well, you're not sorry because you're popping a straight-up bone cone over that damn newspaper."

The Bravo Boys

The Bravo Boys
New name the guys give themselves.

Chelsea & Adam

Chelsea & Adam
Chelsea: I'm sorry, the puke is kind of burning my eyes. Let's just let's talk tomorrow.
Adam: No doubt. No doubt. And what beautiful eyes they are to burn, milady.

Clam Chow-Ders

Recipes

Food Recipes

Clam Chow-Ders
Ander's clam chowder recipe.

Coochie Mold

Medical Conditions

Conditions

Coochie Mold
Montez thinks he overhears his wife on the phone saying she has something called coochie mold, but she's actually planning to surprise him with a plastic mold of her coochie.

The Ders Effect [business technique]

The Ders Effect [business technique]
Technique Anders plans to use to get the branch manager's job. Anders (in mock interview with himself): "I got to tell ya, if I'm honest, I see myself as branch manager, and I know that's your job, but I feel like I could do it better with a little something I call 'the Ders Effect.'"

The Ders Effect [sound effect]

The Ders Effect [sound effect]
Sound effect Anders creates as DJ Ango.

Dr. TelAmeriCorp

Serial Killers

Dr. TelAmeriCorp
Infamous child murderer played by Robert Englund.

Eggs Tyrone

Recipes

Breakfast Recipes

Eggs Tyrone
The morning after the guys throw a raging party in their rental house, one of their guests is still there, making breakfast, apparently his signature dish, in the kitchen.

Fear-ection

Fear-ection
When she puts the fear of God into your boner.

Girthquake Punani

Girthquake Punani
The sex move that Adam made up when the guys were watching dumb environmental films.

The Hammer Tire

The Hammer Tire
One of the tire-themed exercises featured on Adam's workout video: DeMamp Camp: Working Out With Tires.

Hanging with Mr. Cooper

Hanging with Mr. Cooper
Swim stroke Anders teaches the guys.

Hotboxing with God

Hotboxing with God
B-Rad's name for smoking pot in the trunk of a car.

HOV

HOV
Swim stroke Anders teaches the guys.

Isaac Lubetkin

Isaac Lubetkin
Isaac Lubetkin: This web series, are we talking a rev-share? Because that's a thing I've at least overheard - is a word for stuff.

Jillian

Jillian
Jillian (her shirt covered in red liquid): I was dying my hair with cranberry juice in the bathroom, but one of the bottles broke and spilled all over me. But then Helen, that old janitor lady, slipped in the puddle and fell right onto the glass. She cut a major artery. She was pulling at me and just grabbing me and screaming. She was like, Ah! Ah! God, that story is so boring. I'm falling asleep myself. You have got to smell my shirt.

KZN Fraternity Brother #1 & KZN Fraterni...

KZN Fraternity Brother #1 & KZN Fraternity Brother #2
KZN Fraternity Brother #1: Be careful, Stan's, like, a real psych-bro-path.
KZN Fraternity Brother #2: Yeah, he's a, uh, bro-ciopath.

Mad Kobras

Mad Kobras
Gang name the guys spray paint on the walls of the old office building.

The O.G. Screw Crew

The O.G. Screw Crew
The guys brainstorm names to call themselves.

Old Timers

Medical Conditions

Diseases

Old Timers
The guys' name for Alzheimer's. "I mean, is it weird if we made up a handicap, like, a disease? What's the disease that old people get where you start forgetting things? What is that? Old timers."

Pornographic Memory

Pornographic Memory
Adam claims to be able to remember everything about every porno he's ever seen. Adam: "But I'll admit it, having a pornographic memory doesn't hurt. I cannot forget a dick. Which is crazy, 'cause you can't remember anything else, right? Yeah, no, I can't remember what I ate for breakfast. I can't remember, like, my social security number, which is an issue sometimes, but I remember, like, every frame of the porno that I cranked down to in the mirror last night."

Rancho Pounders

Rancho Pounders
The most brutal biker gang in the state.

Regret Cancer

Medical Conditions

Diseases

Regret Cancer
Disease Adam mentions. Adam: "And if you don't hire him, you're gonna regret it for your whole life, and you'll probably end up dying of regret cancer, which is a real thing, my aunt died from it. She regretted smoking her whole life."

The Roof-fly-delt-pump

The Roof-fly-delt-pump
Brand new exercise featured on Adam's new workout video: Demamp Camp: Fully insured. Adam: "On this new edition, I will be showing you a brand-new exercise that I just created using my own brain and intelligence. It's called The Roof-fly-delt-pump. Basically, you get a running start, pump your delts so hard that you come to a nice, soft landing, because you've just flown for a few seconds."

Scorpigeon

Living Things

Animals

Scorpigeon
Hybrid animal Blake paints.

Seders

Seders
The Ders seduction technique. Adam's girlfriend: "Are you trying to seduce me?" Ders: "I'm trying to 'seders' you."

Switch-a-dooza-roozle

Scams

Switch-a-dooza-roozle
Also known as The old switcheroo, stealing beer by hiding it in a cola box.

The Tire Flip Lift

The Tire Flip Lift
One of the tire-themed exercises featured on Adam's workout video: DeMamp Camp: Working Out With Tires.

The Tire Jump

The Tire Jump
One of the tire-themed exercises featured on Adam's workout video: DeMamp Camp: Working Out With Tires.

The Tire Waggle

The Tire Waggle
One of the tire-themed exercises featured on Adam's workout video: DeMamp Camp: Working Out With Tires.

The Tire Wiggle

The Tire Wiggle
One of the tire-themed exercises featured on Adam's workout video: DeMamp Camp: Working Out With Tires.

Tri-Guys