TWO AND A HALF MEN
TV Series 2003. Created by Chuck Lorre and Lee Aronsohn. Starring Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer, Angus T. Jones, Marin Hinkle, Melanie Lynskey, Holland Taylor, Conchata Ferrell, Jennifer Taylor, April Bowlby, Ashton Kutcher, Amber Tamblyn and Edan Alexander.
Source Features: BBB (308) TIMELINE (13) MAP (17) OTHER (93) THEMES (2)

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Total Records: 93 - Medium: TV SERIES / Group: OTHER
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1According to the frequently asked questi... TriviaNumbers Game

According to the frequently asked questions on CharlieHarperSucks.com, How long can you expect to date Charlie after you have sex with him?
Why would you want to?
You can|t.
It depends how late you sleep the next morning.


2Alan Birds Living ThingsBirds

Alan Birds
Joke Walden makes.

3Alan Harper QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper
Alan Harper: Let's get you back to the Bat Cave, or whatever cave you crawled out of.

4Alan Harper QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper
Alan Harper: I tend to bring out the mothering instinct in women. Ironically, not my mother.

5Alan Harper QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper
Alan Harper: I'm a love bear. If I stop making love, I prevent forest fires.

6Alan Harper QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper
Alan Harper: The Price of Healthy Gums is Eternal Vigilance.

7Alan Harper QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper
Alan Harper: Charlie, stop sniffing the paralegals.

8Alan Harper QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper
Alan Harper: Fitful nights sleep in alcohol island?

9Alan Harper QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper
Alan Harper: If you hope to have any kind of shot with this woman, you might want to lose the wedding ring. When it comes to dating, wedding rings are like kryptonite. If, you know, Superman was a vagina.

10Alan Harper QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper
Alan Harper: After dinner, I was thinking we could light a fire. Don't worry, I've got all the wood we need.

11Alan Harper QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper
Alan Harper: Hi, I'm Alan. I'm a back doctor, but that doesn't mean I can't check out your front.

12Alan Harper & Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper & Charlie Harper
Alan Harper: Hey, what's that splattered all over your shirt?
Charlie Harper: Coffee and breast milk.
Alan Harper: What happened? Did Starbucks merge with Hooters? Hooterbucks - I'd like a Double-D cup Latte, please.

13Alan Harper & Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper & Charlie Harper
Alan Harper: Alright, even if I weren't deathly ill, which I am, I wouldn't go on a blind double date with you.
Charlie Harper: Why not?
Alan Harper: Summer of my junior year? The Seals and Crofts concert? You got the incredible cheerleader and I got her sister, the Incredible Hulk?
Charlie Harper: She really took a shine to you.
Alan Harper: Sure did. "Sara like puny Alan."

14Alan Harper & Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper & Charlie Harper
Alan Harper: When I moved in here, I said it was vital that we create a wholesome atmosphere for Jake. And you said, "I understand."
Charlie Harper: Alan, there's something you should know about me. When I say I understand, it doesn't mean I agree. It doesn't mean I understand. It doesn't even mean I'm listening.
Alan Harper: Then why do you say it?
Charlie Harper: It seems to make people happy, and that's what I'm all about.
Alan Harper: That's very altruistic, but I would prefer if you'd just be straight with me.
Charlie Harper: Fine.
Alan Harper: All I'm asking is that you keep in mind that we have an impressionable 10-year-old boy living here.
Charlie Harper: I understand.
Alan Harper: Thank you.

15Alan Harper & Jake Harper QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper & Jake Harper
Alan Harper: What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
Jake Harper: Well, you must be like the Hulk.

16Alan Harper & James Earl Jones QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper & James Earl Jones
Alan Harper: Listen, would you mind recording my answering machine message for me?
James Earl Jones: That'll be an extra $500.
Alan Harper: That's okay, I'm rich now.
James Earl Jones: All right, what do you want, uh, This is CNN, or, Luke, I'm your father?

17Alan Harper & Walden Schmidt QuotesQuotes

Alan Harper & Walden Schmidt
Alan Harper: My point is, you can be whoever you want to be.
Walden Schmidt: I've never thought about it like that.
Alan Harper: Of course not. Why would Superman want to be Clark Kent?

18Alan's favorite meal. TriviaQuestions

Alan's favorite meal.
Catfish
Swordfish
Red snapper


19Alan's nickname for Walden. TriviaName Game

Alan's nickname for Walden.
Wally Bear
My Little Walnut
Big Walrus


20Alan's porn name - his first pet and the... TriviaName Game-Animals

Alan's porn name - his first pet and the street he lived on growing up.
Beebo Eighty-Ninth Street
Snowball Honeysuckle
Rusty Knob


21Artie Pliskin QuotesQuotes

Artie Pliskin
Artie Pliskin: The Wiggles can kiss my pasty white tushie!

22Bangkok Drippy Drip Medical ConditionsConditions

Bangkok Drippy Drip
Joke Evelyn makes about Charlie being sick.

23Berta QuotesQuotes

Berta
Berta: As long as we're discussing dining choices, why don't you bite me?

24Berta QuotesQuotes

Berta
Berta: You smell like a beer bottle that just fell out of Joe Camel's ass.

25Brooke QuotesQuotes

Brooke
Brooke: It's like you're the Hulk, but only your balls got angry.

26Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper
Charlie Harper: Nice to see you again. Good luck with the penis.

27Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper
Charlie Harper: Whoa, slow down. Well, how drunk is she? Really? Batman drunk?

28Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper
Charlie Harper: To the Batcave, Alfred.

29Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper
Charlie Harper: Oh, smells like one of us just crapped our pants, I sure hope it's you.

30Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper
Charlie Harper: I didn't need a reason to drink tonight, but it's nice to know I've got one.

31Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper
Charlie Harper: It's been fun, but I am officially resigning as the mayor of Booger Town.

32Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper
Charlie Harper: Welcome to the Matrix.

33Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper
Charlie Harper: Congratulations Alan, you've managed to take the fun out of boobs.

34Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper
Charlie Harper: When did I become the family dog?

35Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper
Charlie Harper: Who's smiling now, shorty?

36Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper
Charlie Harper: I guess your hearing is more acute when your nuts are on the line.

37Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper
Charlie Harper: People who live in fat asses shouldn't throw waffles.

38Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper
Charlie Harper: You know what that smell is? Epiphany for men.

39Charlie Harper & Alan Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper & Alan Harper
Charlie Harper: Well that attitude is why you sleep alone with a copy of Monster Boobs magazine under your pillow.
Alan Harper: Stay out of my room.

40Charlie Harper & Alan Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper & Alan Harper
Charlie Harper: Hey Alan, guess what?
Alan Harper: There is no god?
Charlie Harper: Oh on the contrary, there is a god, and he love me long time!

41Charlie Harper & Jake Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper & Jake Harper
Charlie Harper: This conversation is over.
Jake Harper: Not if I keep talking.

42Charlie Harper & Jake Harper QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper & Jake Harper
Charlie Harper: Want me to tuck you in?
Jake Harper: I'm too old to get tucked in, you... ass-face!

43Charlie Harper & Mia QuotesQuotes

Charlie Harper & Mia
Charlie Harper: Hey, you're a teacher.
Mia: Hey, you're a stalker.

44Charlie's Blackout Chili RecipesFood Recipes

Charlie's Blackout Chili
Chili that Charlie makes sometimes when he's had too much to drink and doesn't remember making.

45Chelsea's cat's name. TriviaName Game-Animals

Chelsea's cat's name.
Merlin
King Arthur
Sir Lancelot


46Chelsea's father's dog's name. TriviaName Game-Animals

Chelsea's father's dog's name.
Gilligan
Professor
Skipper


47Chiropractor of the Year RecognitionAwards

Chiropractor of the Year
San Fernando Valley Chiropractic Association award that Alan received.

48Dan Fielding QuotesQuotes

Dan Fielding
Dan Fielding: Some help we were. Operation Dork.

49Evelyn Harper QuotesQuotes

Evelyn Harper
Evelyn Harper: So, I am zipping up my boots, and I am about to go onstage when this hausfrau from Tone-Deaf, Texas gets up, and starts singing my song. I think you can imagine how unhappy I was.

50Evelyn Harper QuotesQuotes

Evelyn Harper
Evelyn Harper: The woman I paid to raise you did not raise a fool.

51Fudge Covered Ham RecipesFood Recipes

Fudge Covered Ham
Idea Charlie and Alan come up after eating fudge and honey baked ham.

52Honey Baked Fudge RecipesFood Recipes

Honey Baked Fudge
Idea Charlie and Alan come up after eating fudge and honey baked ham.

53Honeymoon Pancakes RecipesBreakfast Recipes

Honeymoon Pancakes
Jenny makes Alan and Walden Honeymoon Pancakes that looks like "hearts and arrows".

54Jake Harper QuotesQuotes

Jake Harper
Jake Harper: Want a glass of peanut butter?

55Jake Harper QuotesQuotes

Jake Harper
Jake Harper: The names Kanockers. Vod Kanockers.

56Jake's guinea pig's name. TriviaName Game

Jake's guinea pig's name.
Porky
Sylvester
Bugs


57Kandi's roommate's cat's name. TriviaName Game-Animals

Kandi's roommate's cat's name.
Adolf
Boris
Pierre


58Kate's porn name - her first pet and str... TriviaName Game-Animals

Kate's porn name - her first pet and street she lived on growing up.
Snowball Honeysuckle
Rusty Knob
Beebo Eighty-Ninth Street


59Laura Lang & Charlie Harper QuotesQuotes

Laura Lang & Charlie Harper
Laura Lang: Laura Lang.
Charlie Harper: Charlie Harper. Hey, didn't you used to date Superman?
That's Lana Lang. She was Superbly's girlfriend. And guys have been using that tired old line on me since the fifth grade.
Did it ever work?

60Lieutenant Wagner & Walden Schmidt QuotesQuotes

Lieutenant Wagner & Walden Schmidt
Lieutenant Wagner: See you at the gym.
Walden Schmidt: Okay, hasta la vista.

61Massive Mammory Syndrome Medical ConditionsSyndromes

Massive Mammory Syndrome
Alan mentions that he had an article published in which he coined the phrase Massive Mammory Syndrome for women with large breasts in the Journal of the American Chiropractic Association.

62McWalden RecipesSandwich Recipes

McWalden
Walden makes a breakfast sandwich called the McWalden, which Kate calls the McBypass.

63Mia's ballet friend's name. TriviaName Game

Mia's ballet friend's name.
Lovey
Ginger
Mary Ann


64Ms. Seabury QuotesQuotes

Ms. Seabury
Ms. Seabury (immediately after sex with Alan, before she dies): I want my watch back.

65Mystery Pie RecipesDessert Recipes

Mystery Pie
Rose brings a dessert called Mystery Pie to Charlie's Thanksgiving party.

66Name Alan comes up with for the cat in h... TriviaName Game-Animals

Name Alan comes up with for the cat in his pretend apartment.
Dr. Cat
Mr. Cat
Sir Cat


67Neighbor Ms. Seabury's dog's name. TriviaName Game-Animals

Neighbor Ms. Seabury's dog's name.
Borat
Ali
Bruno


68Ninja Death Toast RecipesFood Recipes

Ninja Death Toast
Dangerous breakfast item that Charlie throws at Alan, injuring his eye.

69Operation Dork PlansOperations

Operation Dork
Joke Dan makes when Christine thanks for the gang for their help with delivering her baby: Some help we were. Operation Dork.

70Palmolive Cup RecognitionAwards

Palmolive Cup
Charlie invents the indoor sport sockball to keep Jake occupied while Alan goes shopping, awarding him the "Palmolive Cup" award when Alan returns.

71Pawn Broker QuotesQuotes

Pawn Broker
Pawn broker: My sphincter's tight with anticipation.

72Rose's father's name. TriviaName Game

Rose's father's name.
Frank
Jaxxon
Harvey


73Rose's new boyfriend's name. TriviaName Game

Rose's new boyfriend's name.
Joseph
Levitt
Gordon


74Rose's nickname for her new boyfriend, b... TriviaName Game

Rose's nickname for her new boyfriend, because he's hot and juicy.
Steak Sauce
Cheeseburger
Lamb Chop


75Southern California Trial Lawyers Associ... RecognitionAwards

Southern California Trial Lawyers Association Judge of the Year
Charlie's new appropriately aged judge girlfriend is recognized as Judge of the Year by the Southern California Trial Lawyers Association. Charlie ruins the ceremony after taking an unknown drug from Evelyn.

76Steven Tyler QuotesQuotes

Steven Tyler
Steven Tyler: Berta, if you're gonna do a guy in the laundry room, put a scarf on the doorknob or something.

77Untitled ThemesMouth of Madness


#422d56#7b5e98#9f88b7


78Untitled ThemesPleasantville


#a7334e#385c4f#c2beaa


79Walden Schmidt QuotesQuotes

Walden Schmidt
Walden Schmidt: I could totally be Spider-Man.

80Walden Schmidt QuotesQuotes

Walden Schmidt
Walden Schmidt: Wow, this looks like Charlie Sheen's house.

81Walden Schmidt QuotesQuotes

Walden Schmidt
Walden Schmidt: Okay, flame off, Human Torch.

82Walden Schmidt & Alan Harper QuotesQuotes

Walden Schmidt & Alan Harper
Walden Schmidt: Come on.
Alan Harper: Again, come on?
Walden Schmidt: I might need your help getting in a window.
Alan Harper: Now, I'm Spider-Man.

83Walden Schmidt & Alan Harper QuotesQuotes

Walden Schmidt & Alan Harper
Walden Schmidt: When Bridget and I first got together, we were pretty broke, so we exchanged these cheap bands. But then after I made my first million, I got matching ones made out of rhodium and platinum. In retrospect, I probably should have had them made out of pop and tears.
Alan Harper: What's rhodium?
Walden Schmidt: It's the most expensive metal in the world. To symbolize how precious our love was.
Alan Harper: That was very romantic. But again, Lex Luthor for lady parts.

84Walden Schmidt & Alan Harper QuotesQuotes

Walden Schmidt & Alan Harper
Walden Schmidt: What if we were more than friends?
Alan Harper: Like super friends?

85Walden's childhood gorilla brother's nam... TriviaName Game

Walden's childhood gorilla brother's name.
Magilla
Vanilla
Priscilla


86Walden's date Nadine's pig's name. TriviaName Game

Walden's date Nadine's pig's name.
Jason
Carl
Frank


87Walden's nickname for Alan. TriviaName Game

Walden's nickname for Alan.
Alan-gator
Alley Cat
Baby Alpaca


88Walden's porn name - his first pet and t... TriviaName Game-Animals

Walden's porn name - his first pet and the street he lived on growing up.
Rusty Knob
Snowball honeysuckle
Beebo Eighty-Ninth Street


89What did Evelyn call Charlie's penis whe... TriviaQuestions

What did Evelyn call Charlie's penis when he was a baby?
Mr. Pinky
Mr. Pee-Pee
Mr. Penis


90What does Evelyn say the cat's name when... TriviaName Game-Animals

What does Evelyn say the cat's name when Charlie was a baby?
Mr. Pee-Pee
Mr. Pinky
Mr. Penis


91What does Walden think Alan's favorite m... TriviaQuestions

What does Walden think Alan's favorite meal is?
Swordfish
Catfish
Red Snapper


92What name does Charlie use to post a mes... TriviaName Game

What name does Charlie use to post a message on CharlieHarperSucks.com?
Doghouse_Charles_210
Chuck_U-Farley_002
Charlie_Freak_180


93What's Evelyn's safe word? TriviaQuestions

What's Evelyn's safe word?
Hargreeves
Academy
Umbrella




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