Fiction Empire

Agnes DiPesto
Agnes DiPesto: Blue Moon Detective Agency. If persons are missing, if objects are lost, we'll find them for you at reasonable cost. Your runaway husband, that nonpaying louse, we'll find him for you, bring him back to the house. Lost a prize-winning dog? Lost a prize-winning cat? We'll find them both for you in just no time flat. So tell us your problem, it will all work out fine, just tell me your problem, it's why I'm on the line.

Agnes DiPesto
Agnes DiPesto: City of Angels Investigations. Lost or stolen property - our specialty. You dropped it, we'll spot it. If he cheats, we'll peek. Little one gone? We'll find him before dawn. No job is too big, no job is too small. We're here to please one and all. We're licensed by the state of California and happily accept all major credit cards. How can I help you?

Agnes DiPesto
Agnes DiPesto: Welcome to the Blue Moon Detective Agency. We'll help solve your case, we'll help you find your mate. If it's answers you need, we're eager to please. From stuff that's been took to people who rook. We're always on the case with a smile on our face. We're an agency with class, we'll really move our...

Agnes DiPesto
Agnes DiPesto: Blue Moon Investigations. Are you being watched? Are you being bugged? Just give us a call and we'll find the thug. Whoever is your peeping Tom, Dick or John, we won't quit until he is gone... Yes, I am wearing a pale green dress. How did you know? Are you watching me? Right now? Hello? Hello?

Agnes DiPesto
Agnes DiPesto: Blue Moon Investigations. Thanks for calling the only agency that offers a double-your-crime-back guarantee. Amnesia cases are our special today. Finding the real you is our forte. We'll locate your name, find where you reside and throw in a gala welcome home party besides.

Agnes DiPesto
Agnes DiPesto: Blue Moon Detective Agency. We're detectives with a heart, we're here to do our part. In your moment of need, we'll be there indeed. So please don't be shy, just give us a try. We're cooperative and discreet, we really can't be beat. And if I may be so bold, I'd like to put you on hold.

Agnes DiPesto
Agnes DiPesto: We're here to unravel events that might baffle. We'll figure it out and leave you no doubt. So tell us what's wrong, it won't take us long. We do our work well, there's no need to yell.

Agnes DiPesto
Agnes DiPesto: Blue Moon Investigations. Get in some trouble? We're there on the double. Wife a philanderer? We'll handle her. Need someone trailed? We've never failed. We break every case. We meet every goal. And what's more, aqui se habla espanol... sorry, no comprendo.

Agnes DiPesto
Agnes DiPesto: There's nothing better in the whole world than spending Christmas Eve under a tree with a baby waiting for Santa Clause.

Agnes DiPesto
Agnes DiPesto: Blue Moon Detective Agency. Getting strange calls in the middle of the night? Strange notes in your mailbox by dawn's early light? Tell us a bout it. Let us get involved. We'll find the perv and your problems will be solved... Hello? Why don't you say something? (heavy breathing) Well, to you too.

Agnes DiPesto
Agnes DiPesto: Blue Moon Detective Agency. Running a beauty pageant and need to know if any of the girls posed for photos that show more than the swimsuit competition would allow? Just give us a call and we'll find out now. We have sources at all the major men's magazines, and we'll use them to keep your beauty pageant clean.

Agnes DiPesto
Agnes DiPesto: Blue Moon Detective Agency. If you're in trouble, if you're in a jam, don't tell me, I don't give a damn.

Agnes DiPesto
Agnes DiPesto: Blue Moon Detective Agency. Say your pooch hasn't yet come home, called his name and bought him a new bone? Just give us a shot, in a day we'll find Spot... Could you call back?

Agnes DiPesto
Agnes DiPesto: Blue Moon Investigations. If you're in trouble, if you're in a fix, we're the people to turn to, we make things right quick. We're effective 'cause we listen, listen, listen to all you say. We listen, listen, listen and send help on the way... Hold on a minute, will you?

Agnes DiPesto & David Addison

Agnes DiPesto & David Addison
Agnes DiPesto: Blue Moon Detective Agency, domestic entanglements are our forte, if he plays around, we'll track 'em down, we'll catch him with his fling, takes shots of the whole thing, black and white and color too, big ones, little ones.
David Addison: Blue Moon Detective Agency, how may I help you - that is how we answer the phone.
Agnes DiPesto: Blue Moon Detective Agency, how may I help you... I think he hung up.

David Addison
David Addison: We are talking major weird here.

David Addison
David Addison: We solve no crime before its time.

David Addison
David Addison: Do bears bear? Do bees be?

David Addison
David Addison: Can I have your baby? No, of course I can't, it's a trick question. Bring me two of anything in the tequila family.

David Addison
David Addison: Shut up, Reptile!

David Addison
David Addison: Bloody Mary. Easy on the blood, heavy on the Mary.

David Addison
David Addison: That would make him the biggest bigamist in bigamy history. (to camera) Try saying that three times fast.

David Addison & Maddie Hayes

David Addison & Maddie Hayes
Maddie Hayes: So, what do we do now?
David Addison: Beat everybody to the diamonds.
Maddie Hayes: Right, and do you know how to do that?
David Addison: Hey - do flies fly? Does Spock beam up?
Maddie Hayes: Do you know where they are?
David Addison: I think I can safely narrow it down to a planet.

Maddie Hayes & David Addison

Maddie Hayes & David Addison
Maddie Hayes: I am not a sexist.
David Addison: Not only are you a sexist, but you are the sexiest sexist it has been my good fortune to satirize.
Maddie Hayes: Satirize?
David Addison: Satirize, scrutinize, fantasize, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

Maddie Hayes & David Addison

Maddie Hayes & David Addison
Maddie Hayes: When did you figure all this out?
David Addison: During the commercial.

Maddie Hayes & David Addison

Maddie Hayes & David Addison
Maddie Hayes: We better get back to work.
David Addison: But we don't have any work.
Maddie Hayes: Of course we do, we have to talk to the writers and get them to write bigger parts for next week's episode.

Maddie's mother's nickname for her.

Name Game

Maddie's mother's nickname for her.

	Fancy fly
	Wiggle worm
	Tickle bug

Nickname David gives himself when he and...

Name Game

Nickname David gives himself when he and Maddie take a job as debt collectors for the East Credit Insurance Company.

	David "Boom Boom" Addison
	David "Bruno Youngblood" Addison
	David "Butch Boxer" Addison

Richard Addison

Richard Addison
Richard Addison: Hello? Wow, that's exactly what I was thinking. Talk about two people in sync!

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Themes

Diff|rent Strokes


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Themes

Shield, The


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What nickname does David tell Maddie the...

Name Game

What nickname does David tell Maddie they used to call him when he hustled kids in games of five card stud?

	David "Wild Card" Addison
	David "Poker Face" Addison
	David "Ace in the Hole" Addison

Where does Miss DiPesto tell her new fri...