Fiction Empire

Airport Security Officer
Airport Security Officer: Of course it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We have to use the indefinite article "a dildo", never "your dildo."

Fight Club: Central Perk Edition

Polls

Fight Club: Central Perk Edition
It's your first night at Fight Club. You have to fight one of the characters from Friends.
Who are you going to fight?

Marla Singer

Marla Singer
Marla Singer: How's this for not making a big thing?

Marla Singer

Marla Singer
Marla Singer: I haven't been fucked like that since grade school.

Narrator

Narrator
Narrator: This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time.

Narrator

Narrator
Narrator: Prepare to evacuate soul.

Narrator

Narrator
Narrator: A new car built by my company leaves somewhere traveling at 60 mph. The rear differential locks up. The car crashes and burns with everyone trapped inside. Now: should we initiate a recall? Take the number of vehicles in the field, A, multiply by the probable rate of failure, B, multiply by the average out-of-court settlement, C. A times B times C equals X. If X is less than the cost of a recall, we don't do one.

Narrator

Narrator
Narrator: Every evening I died, and every evening, I was born.

Narrator

Narrator
Narrator: First one through this door gets a, gets a lead salad!

Narrator

Narrator
Narrator: I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see. I wanted to breathe smoke.

Narrator

Narrator
Narrator: If I could wake up in a different place, at a different time, could I wake up as a different person?

Narrator

Narrator
Narrator (email): Worker bees can leave. Even droves can fly away. The queen is their slave.

Narrator

Narrator
Narrator: Like so many others, I had become a slave to the IKEA nesting instinct. If I saw something clever like a little coffee table in the shape of a yin-yang, I had to have it. The Klipse personal office unit, the Hovetrekke home exer-bike, or the Johannshamn sofa with the stripe green stripe pattern. Even the Rislampa wire lamps of environmentally friendly unbleached paper. I'd flip through catalogs and wonder - what kind of dining set defines me as a person?

Narrator

Narrator
Narrator: And she ruined everything. This chick Marla Singer did not have testicular cancer. She was a liar. She had no diseases at all. I had seen her at Free and Clear - my blood parasites group Thursdays. Then at Hope, my bimonthly sickle cell circle. And again at Seize the Day, my Tuberculosis Friday night.

Project Hope

Plans

Projects

Project Hope
Police initiative to crack down on crime and vandalism.

Sponsor

Billboard


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Title Card

Title Card
Title Card: Through the clue provided by Tyler, the police rapidly figured out the whole plan and arrested all criminals, successfully preventing the bomb from exploding. After the trial, Tyler was sent to lunatic asylum receiving psychological treatment. He was discharged from the hospital in 2012.

Tyler Durden
Tyler Durden: I want you to hit me as hard as you can.

Tyler Durden
Tyler Durden: It could be worse. A woman could cut off your penis while you're sleeping and toss it out the window of a moving car.

Tyler Durden
Tyler Durden: You are not the contents of your wallet. You are not the car you drive. You are not the clothes you wear. You are not your bank account. You are not your bowel cancer. You are not your fucking khakis. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You come from the same decaying organic matter as everything else. We are all part of the same compost heap.

Tyler Durden
Tyler Durden: The things you own end up owning you.

Tyler Durden
Tyler Durden: We are the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no great war, no Great Depression. Our great war is a spiritual war. Our Great Depression.is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires and movie gods and rock stars, but we won't.And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very, pissed off.

Tyler Durden
Tyler Durden: Our fathers were our models for God. If they bailed, what does that tell you about God? You have to be prepared for the possibility that God does not like you.

Tyler Durden
Tyler Durden: I see in Fight Club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see it squandered. Goddamnit, an entire generation of pumping gas, waiting tables, slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We are the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no great war, no Great Depression. Our great war is a spiritual war. Our Great Depression.is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires and movie gods and rock stars, but we won't.And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very, pissed off.

Tyler Durden
Tyler Durden: First rule of Fight Club, you do not talk about Fight Club. Second rule of Fight Club, you DO NOT talk about Fight Club. Third rule of Fight Club, when someone says stop or goes limp, the fight is over. Fourth rule of Fight Club, only two guys to a fight. Fifth rule of Fight Club, one fight at a time. Sixth rule of Fight Club, no shirt, no shoes. Seventh rule of Fight Club, fights go on as long as they have to. Eighth and final rule of Fight Club, if this is your first night at Fight Club, you have to fight.

Tyler Durden
Tyler Durden: You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.

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Mouth of Madness


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Flatliners 2


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Mouth of Madness


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Mouth of Madness


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Color Out of Space


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