Fiction Empire

Awards Ceremonies

Adult Film Awards
A defendant is an adult film star that received a "Moanie" for Best Performance by an Actress in a Non Speaking Role at the Adult Film Awards at the Riverside Theater.

Al Craven

Al Craven
Al Craven: Everybody's got something to hide, lady. That's what makes this country great.

Art's name for the furnace.

Art's name for the furnace.

	Bertha
	Conchata
	Ferrell

Best Performance by an Actress in a Non ...

Best Performance by an Actress in a Non Speaking Role
A defendant is an adult film star that received a "Moanie" for Best Performance by an Actress in a Non Speaking Role at the Adult Film Awards at the Riverside Theater.

Billie's apartment number.

Questions

Billie's apartment number.

	409
	306
	512

Bull Shannon
Bull Shannon: Christine, You're a lily pad in a pond full of sludge.

Bull Shannon
Bull Shannon: Let's put a lid on this assiduousness.

Bull Shannon
Bull Shannon: You know the old saying, "Spare the Uzi, spoil the child."

Bull Shannon
Bull Shannon: Sir, I'm afraid they're gonna start flinging the wienies around!

Bull Shannon
Bull Shannon: Move, or I will invent the human pretzel.

Bull Shannon
Bull Shannon: Out with the old, in with the new. Get sick and die, we'll replace you too.

Bull Shannon
Bull Shannon: Death is just nature's way of telling you you're not alive anymore.

Bull Shannon
Bull Shannon: You'll get your Mercedes when I get some ladies.

Bull Shannon
Bull Shannon: All right, let's hustle up some honeys!

Bull Shannon
Bull Shannon: Wow, this is even keener than the club in Star Wars!

Bull Shannon
Bull Shannon: Look out ladies, there's a bull on the loose!

Bull Shannon & Dan's Surprise Birthday P...

Bull Shannon & Dan's Surprise Birthday Party Stripper
Bull Shannon: They call me Bull.
Dan's surprise birthday party stripper: That's what they all say.

Bull Shannon, Kryptonian & Roz Russell

Bull Shannon, Kryptonian & Roz Russell
Bull Shannon (as Jor-el): Son, your mother and I love you very much.It breaks our hearts to think of being away from you. But it's no longer safe here. The time has come when, for your own good, we must send you away. I know you're frightened, but we're sending you to a safer place. Things are much better where you're going. You'll grow up safer, healthier, even stronger. Goodbye, my son.
Kryptonian: Jor-el, you were right. Krypton is doomed.
Roz Russell: I think a filament burned out in there. You were telling us the story of Superman.
Bull Shannon: Wait, what about the time I got bitten by a radioactive spider?

Bull's alligator's name.

Bull's alligator's name.

	Danish
	Muffin
	Biscuit

Bull's cousin's name - lawyer, investmen...

Bull's cousin's name - lawyer, investment advisor, dashing man about town and sexual daredevil.

	Richie
	Arthur
	Ralph

Bull's dead puppy's name.

Bull's dead puppy's name.

	Jif
	Skippy
	Peter Pan

Bull's mother's name.

Bull's mother's name.

	Jahnke
	Hank
	Frank

Bull's mother's pet owl's name.

Bull's mother's pet owl's name.

	Stripe
	Slick
	Spike

Bull's python's name.

Bull's python's name.

	Robert
	Martin
	Harvey

Bull's real name.

Bull's real name.

	Hippocrates
	Nostradamus
	Olympiodorus

Christine Sullivan

Christine Sullivan
Christine Sullivan: Sir, I think my tendons are beginning to snap.

Christine's cat's name.

Christine's cat's name.

	Dexter
	Fifi
	Mr. Whiskers

Christine's neighbor's cat's name.

Christine's neighbor's cat's name.

	Fifi
	Dexter
	Mr. Whiskers

CIa Agent & KGB Agent

CIa Agent & KGB Agent
CIA Agent: Your mother wears combat boots.
KGB Agent: Only during field maneuvers.

Dan Fielding
Dan Fielding: How about we go back to my place and continue the slurping?

Dan Fielding
Dan Fielding: Me Tarzan, you lucky.

Dan Fielding
Dan Fielding: Being nice to people who can help you is one thing. Being nice to everybody is sick.

Dan Fielding
Dan Fielding: Has anyone told you what a cute vaccination scar you have?

Dan Fielding
Dan Fielding: I think I swallowed my eyes.

Dan Fielding
Dan Fielding: I think all this talk of the death of premarital sec is premature don't you?

Dan Fielding
Dan Fielding: You're beautiful when you're spunky.

Dan Fielding
Dan Fielding: Not tonight, I have rabies.

Dan Fielding
Dan Fielding: The address is on the key. Knock twice, and ask for... mercy.

Dan Fielding
Dan Fielding: She's in a sexual trance - I need ice!

Dan Fielding
Dan Fielding: Your honor, the Empire recommends we beam the earthling aboard the slave colony at Terra Bellevue (followed by Dan's imitation of Darth Vader breathing).

Dan Fielding
Dan Fielding: I want your planet of origin, and I want it now.

Dan Fielding
Dan Fielding: Hi there. I couldn't help but sense you from across the room. See, I mean I have this innate instinct when it comes to noticing intelligent women, and I was wondering if you would like to come with me to a party at the mayor's house.

Dan Fielding
Dan Fielding: How about after work you come over to my place and we can browse through my Ansel Adams prints?

Dan Fielding
Dan Fielding: Hold onto your Dixie cups - the south will rise again!

Dan Fielding
Dan Fielding: I've just decided I want to donate one of my vital organs. How's ten o'clock for you?

Dan Fielding
Dan Fielding: We're gonna make one hell of a chalk outline.

Dan Fielding
Dan Fielding (spotting the next defendant, who happens to be extremely overweight): Sweet Jabba the Hut!

Dan Fielding
Dan Fielding: Your squish is my command.

Dan Fielding
Dan Fielding: The Dannymobile is ready to roll.

Dan Fielding
Dan Fielding: Hi, I'm shy. And I know that this may seem forward, but I was wondering if maybe sometime you would like to go out with me. I work til eleven, but if that's inconvenient, I can resign now. Do you live near here? If not, I can move.

Dan Fielding
Dan Fielding: Hi Happy, I'm horny.

Dan Fielding
Dan Fielding: Hey babe, wanna play with my Lincoln Log?

Dan Fielding & Billie Young

Dan Fielding & Billie Young
Dan Fielding: Nice to meet you.
Billie Young: My pleasure.
Dan Fielding: That could be arranged.

Dan Fielding & Roz Russell

Dan Fielding & Roz Russell
Dan Fielding: I am off to Easy Street
Roz Russell: More like Sleazy Street.

Dan's actual first name.

Dan's actual first name.

	Edward Ernest
	Reinhold
	Judge

Dan's nickname when he was young, accord...

Dan's nickname when he was young, according to Madame Rochelle, the psychic known as the Affordable Exorcist.

	Corn Ears
	Potato Face
	Onion Breath

Dan's nom de plume name.

Dan's nom de plume name.

	Dean Hardbody
	Lance Goodthrust
	Matt Powerdrill

The Delaware Project

Plans

Projects

The Delaware Project
Dan goes up against billionaire Jordan King by buying up swampland that King intends to use for his next development initiative The New Jersey Project. When Dan demands too much money, King decides to go with The Delaware Project instead, leaving Dan with worthless swamp land.

Dog's name that save's Harry from the fi...

Dog's name that save's Harry from the fire, and bites Dan.

	Boscoe
	Cocoa
	Glasgow

Donna Fielding

Donna Fielding
Donna Fielding: Hey sailor, wanna do the hornpipe?

Dr. Charles Melnick

Dr. Charles Melnick
Dr. Charles Melnick: You can't get good psychological therapy at Kmart, fella.

Dr. Judith Malloy

Dr. Judith Malloy
Dr. Judith Malloy: Oh Dan, make me scream like a banshee!

Dr. Lawrence Osborne

Dr. Lawrence Osborne
Dr. Lawrence Osborne: All right, come on, people, that's enough reality for one day.

Early Seasons

Themes

Flatliners 2


#3b2d17	#8c682b	#000000

Fiesta Soup

Fiesta Soup
Harry tries out a new product called Senor 's Freeze-Dried Enchiladas, but it doesn't really work out. He tells Billie he's invented Fiesta Soup.

Florence

Florence
Florence (seeing Dan in a wheelchair): So that's why they call him Dr. Strangelove.

Florence

Florence
Florence: Ever do it to Twisted Sister? Talk is cheap, Bernie.

Florence

Florence
Florence: Honey, you just came this close to consciousness.

The Harpoon Man of the Year

The Harpoon Man of the Year
Contest featured in The Harpoon, the Ed Koch Community College humor magazine.

Harry Anderson

Harry Anderson
Harry Anderson: All right, Mr. Sulu - Warp 9.

Harry Stone

Harry Stone
Harry Stone: This could go either way, unless... no, I guess it's got to go either way.

Harry Stone

Harry Stone
Harry Stone: Fish can't talk to you, Leonard.

Harry Stone

Harry Stone
Harry Stone: Hi ladies, I'm Harry - but aren't we all?

Harry Stone

Harry Stone
Harry Stone: I don't know nothing about birthin' no babies.

Harry Stone

Harry Stone
Harry Stone: Let's cut out the formality - what can I do to make you fall hopelessly in love with me?

Harry Stone

Harry Stone
Harry Stone: My mom always said I was special.

Harry Stone

Harry Stone
Harry Stone: The court will remand the defendant to the custody of Bellevue. Bull, beam him up.

Harry Stone

Harry Stone
Harry Stone: Vaya con queso, mi compadre.

Harry Stone

Harry Stone
Harry Stone: You've met the Marx brothers... Groucho, Chico, Cujo.

Harry Stone

Harry Stone
Harry Stone: Well, here's another fact - you're a big Weiner.

Harry Stone

Harry Stone
Harry Stone: You held up an International House of Pancakes? How waffle!

Harry Stone

Harry Stone
Harry Stone: Was Filet of Law Text on the cafeteria menu this evening?

Harry Stone & Bull Shannon

Harry Stone & Bull Shannon
Harry Stone: Well, I guess the next step is obvious.
Bull Shannon: Right. We kill him. Then we rip his face off. Then we put it back on upside down.
Harry Stone: You subscribe to Drawn and Quarterly, don't you?

Harry Stone & Christine Sullivan

Harry Stone & Christine Sullivan
Harry Stone: Defense?
Christine Sullivan: My clients plead innocent, your honor.
Harry Stone: What grounds?
Christine Sullivan: Well, they claim to be victims of... a mind meld.
Harry Stone: A mind meld? Oh, come on, get real, guys! Star Trek is a TV show, for criminy's sakes. I'm gonna fine you each thirty bucks and I suggest you stop living with your parents.

Harry Stone & Dan Fielding

Harry Stone & Dan Fielding
Harry Stone: Love is strange, huh?
Dan Fielding: Yeah, if you know what you're doing.

Harry Stone & Dan Fielding

Harry Stone & Dan Fielding
Harry Stone: What do we have here, a little friction 'twixt the old Trekkies and the new?
Dan Fielding: Yes, Sir, they were involved in a brawl that broke out at their convention during a seminar on the role of androids in Starfleet command vehicles... Don't you guys ever just get loaded and hire a stripper?

Harry Stone & Eddie Simms

Harry Stone & Eddie Simms
Harry Stone: Hi. I'm Judge Stone. And you're?
Eddie Simms: Batman. This is my old lady, Wonder Woman.

Harry Stone, Christine Sullivan & Dan Fi...

Harry Stone, Christine Sullivan & Dan Fielding
Harry Stone: I'd like to grant a continuance pending a psychiatric evaluation.
Christine Sullivan: Agreed.
Dan Fielding: Ready to beam him aboard, Sir.

Harry Stone, Mac, New Trekkie, Old Trekk...

Harry Stone, Mac, New Trekkie, Old Trekkie & Bull Shannon
Harry Stone: What's up, Mac?
Mac: A little case of disturbing the peace at a Star Trek convention, Sir.
New Trekkie: Admit it, the old Enterprise was a piece of junk!
Old Trekkie: Oh yeah? How would you like a Vulcan death grip?
Bull Shannon: How do you like the bailiff Bull grip?

Harry's adult film star date's name.

Harry's adult film star date's name.

	Cinnamon
	Spice
	Pepper

Harry's bat's name.

Harry's bat's name.

	Jim
	Jack
	Tito

Harry's first pet cocker spaniel's name?

Harry's first pet cocker spaniel's name?

	Porcious
	Miss Kitty
	Festus

Harry's mother's maiden name.

Harry's mother's maiden name.

	Wang
	Dick
	Johnson

Harry's stuffed armadillo's name.

Harry's stuffed armadillo's name.

	Alabama
	Quentin
	Clarence

Initial of Dan's middle name.

Initial of Dan's middle name.

	K.
	E.
	T.

Junior Woodchuck of the Year Award

Junior Woodchuck of the Year Award
Mel shows Harry his Junior Woodchuck of the Year award.

Kitty

Kitty
Kitty: I'd rather sit on your lap and suck out your fillings.

Kitty

Kitty
Kitty: Oh, was I being a bad kitty? I should be disciplined.

Kumok

Kumok
Kumok: You are business end of reindeer.

100

Lana Wagner

Lana Wagner
Lana Wagner: Never say to a judge, "You can't do that."

101

Lana Wagner

Lana Wagner
Lana Wagner: Never say to a judge, "That's crazy."

102

Lana Wagner

Lana Wagner
Lana Wagner: Harry, how could you take pudding from a hooker?

103

Later Seasons

Themes

Flatliners 2


#3b2d17	#8c682b	#000000

104

London Bridge Cake

London Bridge Cake
Christine serves London Bridge cake at her royal wedding party to celebrate the 6th anniversary of Prince Charles and Princess Diana.

105

Mac Robinson

Mac Robinson
Mac Robinson: I want those evil spirits put back in my TV!

106

Mac Robinson

Mac Robinson
Mac Robinson: Was she mad? Picture what would happen if someone were to give Darth Vader a noogie.

107

Mac Robinson & Harry Stone

Mac Robinson & Harry Stone
Mac Robinson: In case you forgot, I work in this building.
Harry Stone: Sure, just like Clark works at the Daily Planet.

108

Mac Robinson & Harry Stone

Mac Robinson & Harry Stone
Mac Robinson: Oh, Harry, getting older isn't all bad. My grandfather used to say, people like wine, get better with age.
Harry Stone: I'm older than Spider-Man.
Mac Robinson: Well, what about Superman?
Harry Stone: He's still in his thirties.
Mac Robinson: Well, you're younger than those people that found him.
Harry Stone: The Kents? That old farm couple? That's supposed to make me feel better?

109

Mac writes a story about his dog. He mad...

Mac writes a story about his dog. He made it all up, but what was the dog's name?

	Sparky
	Lucky
	Mickey

110

Mac's replacement's name after he quits.

Mac's replacement's name after he quits.

	Niles
	Eddie
	Martin

111

Miriam Brody & Dan Fielding

Miriam Brody & Dan Fielding
Miriam Brody: Ever fool around at work?
Dan Fielding: No. I mean, that is, not with another person.

112

Monty Potter

Monty Potter
Monty Potter: Hey honey, if I wanted your help, I'd drop my drawers.

113

Mr. Froufrou

Mr. Froufrou
Mr. Froufrou: Check me later and I'll show you why all the world loves a clown.

114

Mr. Froufrou

Mr. Froufrou
Mr. Froufrou: I haven't worn underwear since the late sixties.

115

Mrs. Daley's cat's name.

Mrs. Daley's cat's name.

	Skipper
	Gilligan
	The Professor

116

Mrs. MacNulty

Mrs. MacNulty
Mrs. MacNulty: Ravage me now, you prancing pony!

117

Mrs. Smith

Mrs. Smith
Mrs. Smith: Don't knock it 'til you've tried it.

118

The New Jersey Project

Plans

Projects

The New Jersey Project
Dan goes up against billionaire Jordan King by buying up swampland that King intends to use for his next development initiative The New Jersey Project. When Dan demands too much money, King decides to go with The Delaware Project instead, leaving Dan with worthless swamp land.

119

New judge Mike Watson's gun's name.

New judge Mike Watson's gun's name.

	Winona
	Killdeer
	Betsy

120

New Trekkie, Harry Stone & Old Trekkie

New Trekkie, Harry Stone & Old Trekkie
New Trekkie: You have no authority over us.
Harry Stone: I beg your pardon?
New Trekkie: We are governed by the laws of the Federation.
Harry Stone: Is that so? Okay, that's contempt, chuck-o. One day in the county jail.
New Trekkie: That's what you think. Beam. Us. Up. (New Trekkies get beamed up)
Old Trekkie: Oh, big deal. Can they do this? (demonstrates Vulcan hand gesture).

121

Nickname that Christine's new boyfriend ...

Nickname that Christine's new boyfriend gives her.

	Grasshopper
	Cricket
	Cockroach

122

Old Trekkie, New Trekkie & Harry Stone

Old Trekkie, New Trekkie & Harry Stone
Old Trekkie: Captain Kirk would never have allowed androids on the bridge. Rules are rules.
New Trekkie: Oh yeah? He didn't seem to have any trouble breaking the Prime Directive any time he felt like it.
Old Trekkie: Go suck on a tribble!
New Trekkie: Go sit on a phaser!
Harry Stone: None of that language in my courtroom.

123

Operation Sunscreen

Plans

Operations

Operation Sunscreen
Dan is called up for National Guard duty - he thinks he's going to be sent into a war zone, so he fakes an injury. He was actually going to be sent to the island of Cabo San Cabo for Operation Sunscreen, a weekend with a hot superior officer. But when she finds out he was trying to get out of service, she sends him to Alaska instead.

124

Oscar's pet poodle's name.

Oscar's pet poodle's name.

	Cha-Cha
	Rumba
	Salsa

125

Pumpkin Pizza

Pumpkin Pizza
Dish Quon Le serves at the Halloween party.

126

Pussycat Theater Patron of the Year

Pussycat Theater Patron of the Year
Harry joke. When Dan buys a new suit, Harry asks him what the occasion is, was he named Patron of the Year at the Pussycat Theater?

127

Quon Le Robinson

Quon Le Robinson
Quon Le Robinson: I feel the tortured souls of my ancestors crying out in agony!

128

Quon Li Robinson

Quon Li Robinson
Quon Li Robinson: My family would like to know if this a good time to slay themselves.

129

Quon Li Robinson

Quon Li Robinson
Quon Li Robinson: My family says they are going to kill themselves.

130

Rack of Spam

Rack of Spam
Dish Bull learned to cook for his mother.

131

Roberta

Roberta
Roberta: Give me a hundred bucks and I'll make your teeth sweat.

132

Roz Russell

Roz Russell
Roz Russell: Nothing says lovin' like someone in the oven.

133

Santa Clause

Santa Clause
Santa Clause: If I don't make it, tell Frosty goodbye. Just kidding. Get a doctor.

134

Sascha Minkoff & Dan Fielding

Sascha Minkoff & Dan Fielding
Sascha Minkoff: You are a brute. I love brutes.
Dan Fielding: Fine, wait here, I'll see if Jabba the Hutt's available.

135

Scoliosis-itis

Medical Conditions

Diseases

Scoliosis-itis
Joke Christine makes, trying to come up with a real sounding disease.

136

Selma Hacker

Selma Hacker
Selma Hacker: Get as rough as you want boys, I'm numb.

137

Selma Hacker

Selma Hacker
Selma Hacker: Well, rope my feet and call me doggie.

138

Sickle and Skull

Criminals

Gangs

Sickle and Skull
Flo's Motorcycle gang.

139

Society of Goodfellows Man of the Month

Society of Goodfellows Man of the Month
Harry is honored as the Man of the Month by the Society of Goodfellows.

140

Tatiana & Dan Fielding

Tatiana & Dan Fielding
Tatiana: I'm Tatiana, princess of Kepua.
Dan Fielding: Hi, I'm Dan. King of hanky panky.

141

Tortoise Nervosa

Medical Conditions

Conditions

Tortoise Nervosa
Condition of a defendant that... moves... very... slowly.

142

Tracy

Tracy
Tracy: I get to carry the Consti-pi-tution.

143

Untitled

Themes

Dark Shadows


#063673	#063673	#000000

144

Up with People

Criminals

Criminal Organizations

Up with People
Militant splinter faction. The hostage negotiators were tied up with rope and held hostage by the militant splinter faction known as Up With People.

145

Wendell & Dan Fielding

Wendell & Dan Fielding
Wendell: I always heard money couldn't buy happiness.
Dan Fielding: That's sick, Wendell.

146

What does Bull name Mac's Thanksgiving t...

What does Bull name Mac's Thanksgiving turkey?

	Jiffy
	Skippy
	Peter Pan

147

What does Bull name the monkey?

What does Bull name the monkey?

	Skippy
	Jif
	Peter Pan

148

What is the name of Bull's baby's teddy ...

What is the name of Bull's baby's teddy bear?

	Mr. Poobah
	Mr. Boojee
	Mr. Jeebee

149

What is the name of Bull's baby's?

What is the name of Bull's baby's?

	Bert
	Ernie
	Elmo

150

What is the name of the hurricane?

What is the name of the hurricane?

	Hurricane Mel
	Hurricane Flo
	Hurricane Art

151

What were the bribery sting cops' names?

What were the bribery sting cops' names?

	Bill and Ted
	Fred and Barney
	Bert and Ernie

152

What's the name of the new court stenogr...

What's the name of the new court stenographer?

	Gracie Weeks
	Tracy Knight
	Stacy Day

153

When Mac inherits a lot of money from hi...

When Mac inherits a lot of money from his grandfather, he buys very expensive caviar for Christine, made from two specific fish. What are their names?

	Edna and Bernice
	Charles and Diana
	Bert and Ernie

154

Who does Christine dream about?