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ZOOLANDER 2001 Film
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FEATURED QUOTE
  • Derek Zoolander: I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.


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QUOTES (22)




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  • Quotes
    • Maury Ballstein
      • Maury Ballstein: I've got a prostate the size of a honeydew and a head full of bad memories.
    • Larry Zoolander
      • Larry Zoolander: You're dead to me, son. You're even more dead to me than your dead mother.
    • Mugatu
      • Mugatu: Hi Derek! My name's Little Cletus and I'm here to tell you a few things about child labor laws, ok? They're silly and outdated. Why back in the 30s, children as young as five could work as they pleased; from textile factories to iron smelts. Yippee! Hurray!
    • Derek Zoolander
      • Derek Zoolander: Well I guess it all started the first time I went through the second grade. I caught my reflection in a spoon while I was eating my cereal, and I remember thinking, "Wow, you're ridiculously good looking, maybe you could do that for a career."
    • Hansel
      • Hansel: So I'm rappelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip, and I start to fall. Just falling, ahh ahh, I'll never forget the terror. When suddenly I realize "Holy shit, Hansel, haven't you been smoking Peyote for six straight days, and couldn't some of this maybe be in your head?"
    • Maury Ballstein
      • Maury Ballstein: Mugatu is so hot right now he could take a crap, wrap it in tinfoil, put a couple fish hooks on it and sell it to Queen Elizabeth as earrings.
    • J.P. Prewitt
      • J.P. Prewitt: The truth is male models have been assassinating world leaders for over 200 years. Abe Lincoln wanted to abolish slavery, right? Well, who do you think made the silk stockings and powdered wigs worn by our early leaders?
    • Hansel & Derek Zoolander
      • Hansel: I guess you can Dere-lick my balls, capitan.
        Derek Zoolander: I can Dere-lick my own balls, thank you very much.
    • Hansel
      • Hansel: Listen to your friend Billy Zane, he's a cool dude!
      • Hansel: This has been an emotional day for all of us. I think we should get naked.
    • Mugatu
      • Mugatu: Shut up! Enough already, Ballstein! Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look, for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! I invented the piano key necktie, I invented it! What have you done, Derek? You've done nothing! Nothing! And I will be a monkey's uncle if I let you ruin this for me, because if you can't get the job done, then I will!
    • Derek Zoolander
      • Derek Zoolander: Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.
    • Mugatu
      • Mugatu: Oh, I'm sorry, did my pin get in the way of your ass? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building like now!
    • Derek Zoolander
      • Derek Zoolander: There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, "Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman."
    • Mugatu
      • Mugatu: It's that damn Hansel! He's so hot right now!
    • Derek Zoolander
      • Derek Zoolander: I'm sorry that good-looking people like us made you throw up and feel bad about yourself.
      • Derek Zoolander: What is this? A center for ants? How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read... if they can't even fit inside the building?
      • Derek Zoolander: I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.
      • Derek Zoolander: If there is anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it's that a male model's life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn't mean that we too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident.
      • Derek Zoolander: Rufus, Brint, and Meekus were like brothers to me. And when I say brother, I don't mean, like, an actual brother, but I mean it like the way black people use it. Which is more meaningful I think.
    • Hansel
      • Hansel: I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot.

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