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  • Eleanor Shellstrop: Go fork yourself, you mean giraffe. (Season 2 episode Dance Dance Resolution)

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  • Quotes
    • Bad Janet
      • Bad Janet: Why don't you roll off your mom and do it yourself, you fat dink. (Season 2 episode Rhonda, Diana, Jake and Trent)
      • Bad Janet: What up, skid marks? (Season 2 episode Janet and Michael)
    • Brittany & Eleanor Shellstrop
      • Brittany: Hey, a bunch of us are gonna go see Spider-Man 2 tonight. Do you want to come?
        Eleanor Shellstrop: They made a second Spider-Man? What is there left to say? Sure, whatever, I'm in.
        (Season 1 episode …Someone Like Me as a Member)
    • Chet & Eleanor Shellstrop
      • Chet: Damn, you got that good stank.
        Eleanor Shellstrop: Right back atcha, bro.
        (Season 2 episode Rhonda, Diana, Jake and Trent)
    • Chidi
      • Chidi: Socrates, Aristotle, Plato, Diogenes, they all gathered right here in the Agora. It was like the Avengers, but for super thinkers. (Season 4 episode Whenever You're Ready)
    • Chidi Anagonye
      • Chidi Anagonye: Time means nothing. Jeremy Bearimy, baby. (Season 3 episode Pandemonium)
      • Chidi Anagonye: I can summon philosophy books like Thor's hammer! (Season 4 episode A Girl from Arizona)
    • Chidi Anagonye & Eleanor Shellstrop
      • Chidi Anagonye: Look, Janet has learned and grown. She's essentially living a life. We can't kill her.
        Eleanor Shellstrop: Not with that attitude we can't.
        (Season 1 episode The Eternal Shriek)
      • Chidi Anagonye: I've never seen you before in my life, but I think, somehow, we know each other.
        Eleanor Shellstrop: That definitely sounded like a pick-up line, and I'm not not interested, but we need to figure this out first.
        (Season 2 episode Everything is Great!)
      • Chidi Anagonye: Did you fill your bra with shrimp?
        Eleanor Shellstrop: No. Yes.

        (Season 1 episode Everything Is Fine)
    • Clean Energy Crusader & Eleanor Shellstrop
      • Clean Energy Crusader: Do you have a moment to talk about the environment?

        Eleanor Shellstrop: No, buzz off whale humper.
        (Season 1 episode Mindy St. Claire)
    • Derek
      • Derek: Oh, it's you. Well, you certainly don't have the Dereks to… (Season 4 episode The Girl from Arizona, Part 1)
      • Derek: I will destroy you. (Season 4 episode The Girl from Arizona, Part 1)
    • Derek & Mindy St. Claire
      • Derek: There are wind chimes where my ding dong should be.
        Mindy St. Claire: I can work with that.

        (Season 2 episode Leap to Faith)
    • Donkey Doug
      • Donkey Doug: How about you and me go check out my jacuzzi and put stuff in each other? (Season 3 episode The Ballad of Donkey Doug)
    • Eleanor Shellstrop
      • Eleanor Shellstrop: We've been through every argument: Contractualist, Kantian, "What would Superman do?", "What would Rihanna do?"... Are we missing anything? (Season 2 episode The Burrito)
      • Eleanor Shellstrop: It's Chidi Kryptonite. The choice between any two things.
      • Eleanor Shellstrop: Holy motherforking shirtballs! (Season 1 episode Michael's Gambit)
      • Eleanor Shellstrop: Go fork yourself, you mean giraffe. (Season 2 episode Dance Dance Resolution)
      • Eleanor Shellstrop: What the fork, man? (Season 2 episode Everything is Great!)
      • Eleanor Shellstrop: Here are my rules. Rule number one: I get to do whatever I want, and you all just have to deal with it. Rule two: No more Spider-Man movies. There's way too many Spider-Man movies. Too many dorky, little twerp Spider-men. Rule three: Everyone, leave me alone. (Season 3 episode Jeremy Bearimy)
      • Eleanor Shellstrop: Eat my farts, Benedict Cumberbatch.
      • Eleanor Shellstrop: We could have literally been flying, and all you wanted to do was talk about morals. I mean, you're like the worst part of Superman. (Season 1 episode Flying)
    • Eleanor Shellstrop & Chidi Anagonye
      • Chidi Anagonye: I know that book.
        Eleanor Shellstrop: Is that some kind of nerd pick-up line? Because it's only kind of working.
        (Season 2 episode Everything is Great!)
    • Eleanor Shellstrop & Val
      • Eleanor Shellstrop: I'm actually trying to eat vegetarian.

        Val: Ew. Why? Is it because you feel bad for all the little animals with their cute little faces because people stuff them in a tiny cages just so we can eat them?
        Eleanor Shellstrop: Yeah, that's exactly why.
        (Season 2 episode Somewhere Else)
    • Janet
      • Janet: Michael you monster! (Season 2 episode Dance Dance Resolution)
      • Janet: Michael, no, no, no, I'm pregnant, and it's your baby. (Season 2 episode Dance Dance Resolution)
      • Janet: If I'm gone, who will take care of my birds? (Season 2 episode Dance Dance Resolution)
      • Janet: I hate to see you walk through the final door at the edge of existence but I love to watch you leave. (Season 4 episode Whenever You're Ready)
      • Janet: I'm loving that hat on you. It would look even better on my floor. (Season 1 episode Tahani Al-Jamil)
      • Janet: Fun fact - Columbus is in the bad place, because of all the raping, slave trade and genocide. (Season 1 episode Tahani Al-Jamil)
      • Janet: I have tickets to Hamilton next week, and there's a rumor that David Diggs is coming back! (Season 2 episode Dance Dance Resolution)
    • Jason Mendoza
      • Jason Mendoza: I made you this cool thing so you'll remember me even when you're married to Aquaman. (Season 4 episode Whenever You're Ready)
    • Jason Mendoza & Eleanor Shellstrop
      • Jason Mendoza: Maybe we should ease off. He's pretty stressed already.
        Eleanor Shellstrop: Please. He's not even dry heaving yet. How many Tums did he take today?
        Jason Mendoza: Like, 20.

        Eleanor Shellstrop: That's nothing. We don't stop until it's the whole bottle. Because the more miserable he is, the more he's going to teach you, and then everyone, and then he'll save humanity. He's like Superman, with nervous diarrhea.
        (Season 4 episode Chillaxing)
    • Kamilah Al-Jamil
      • Kamilah Al-Jamil: As a frog stares up in awe at the treetops, so too does humanity gawk at the purity of a blinding truth. (Season 3 episode A Fractured Inheritance)
    • Manisha Al-Jamil
      • Manisha Al-Jamil: Don't get upset, dear. You barely fit in that dress, and I'm afraid you're going to "Hulk out", as it were. (Season 2 episode The Burrito)
    • Michael
      • Michael: Ah, farts. (Season 2 episode Dance Dance Resolution)
      • Michael: Take it sleazy. (Season 4 episode Whenever You're Ready)
    • Michael & Bad Janet
      • Michael: Bad Janet?
        Bad Janet: What?
        Bad Janet, where is the nearest cafe?
        Oh, um, that's a good question. It's up your mom's butt, you fat dink.
        (Season 1 episode …Someone Like Me as a Member)
    • Mindy St. Claire
      • Mindy St. Claire: You know, it's bad enough that you guys have taken over my house for a year and I've had to move into the attic, but now I have to walk in to find Darth Vader's turd in the middle of my living room. (Season 4 episode A Girl from Arizona)
      • Mindy St. Claire: You always say that. And you always end up going back. I mean, sometimes you go back because you feel bad your friends don't know what you know. Sometimes you go back because you walk in on me while I'm masturbating. And sometimes you go back because I walk in on you while I'm masturbating. But no matter what, you always go back. (Season 2 episode Dance Dance Resolution)
      • Mindy St. Claire: God! This feels so weird.Do some coke off my butt! (Season 2 episode Rhonda, Diana, Jake and Trent)
    • Shawn
      • Shawn: What's that thing you humans say when you're playing chess, and you trap your opponent into an inescapable position? Oh right - eat butt, you ding-dongs. (Season 3 episode Pandemonium)
    • Shawn & Michael
      • Shawn: So, just to be clear, you actually rebooted them over 800 times, and all of these reports of their torture are complete fake?
        Michael: Yes, but frankly, this is on you. A lot of those details I just took directly from Stephen King novels and episodes of Pretty Little Liars.
        (Season 2 episode The Burrito)
    • Tahani Al-Jamil
      • Tahani Al-Jamil: Nice shirt. Who designed it? Mark Fake-obs? (Season 3 episode Pandemonium)
      • Tahani Al-Jamil: I should have seen this coming. No one can truly turn over a new leaf. Ben Affleck told me he'd matured as an artist after he'd directed Argo. But then, right on schedule, it was, Guess what, Tahani? I'm gonna be Batman! (Season 2 episode Leap to Faith)
    • Tahani Al-Jamil & Michael
      • Tahani Al-Jamil: I shall be Rhonda Mumps, and I work down at the hotdog factory.
        Michael: You need to be more specific. There are nine Hot Dog Torture Departments. Making people into, stuffing people with…
        Tahani Al-Jamil: Stuffing people sounds fun. Is that shoving them into the throats of vegan?
        Michael: Yes… throats.

        (Season 2 episode Rhonda, Diana, Jake and Trent)
    • Trevor
      • Trevor: Hey, El-Train, you think with all these new Star Wars movies, they'll finally make a new Spaceballs? (Season 3 episode The Brainy Bunch)
    • Vicki
      • Vicki: Damn it, Eleanor, you are the worst, and you can all just suck it! (Season 1 episode Michael's Gambit)

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