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 Exact order 
JESSICA JONES 2015 TV Series
  • Erik: Everything is terrible. Optimism is a lie. Expect the worst.
    Jessica Jones: Jesus, thanks for the pep talk.
    (Season 3 episode AKA The Perfect Burger)

Real dates. Fictional events.
12

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  • Quotes
    • Alisa & Jessica Jones
      • Alisa: Jesus, you're so adept at shutting yourself down.
        Jessica Jones: Maybe it's because I'm afraid people will tragically die on me. Wonder where I got that from.
        Alisa: You were like that before the accident.
        Jessica Jones: No, I wasn't.
        Alisa: You didn't have any friends. You refused to play team sports. You locked yourself in your room all day, playing depressing rock.
        Jessica Jones: Nirvana isn't depressing.
        Alisa: Oh, really? Didn't that guy commit suicide?
        Jessica Jones: So what other memories of mine do you wanna crush?
        Alisa: I'm not trying to crush them, I'm just correcting them.
        Jessica Jones: Well, stop.
    • Erik & Jessica Jones
      • Erik: Everything is terrible. Optimism is a lie. Expect the worst.
        Jessica Jones: Jesus, thanks for the pep talk.
        (Season 3 episode AKA The Perfect Burger)
    • Guy in pile of garbage bags & Jessica Jones
      • Guy in pile of garbage bags: You stink.
        Jessica Jones: Well I'm a piece of shit, and shit stinks.
        (Season 1 episode AKA Top Shelf Perverts)
    • Hope & Jessica Jones
      • Hope: you should kill yourself.
        Jessica Jones: Probably. But I'm the only one that knows you're innocent.
        (Season 1 episode AKA Crush Syndrome)
    • Jeri
      • Jeri: You have a way out of an impossible situation. You're too young to know how rare that is, so take my word for it. The real world is not about happy endings. (Season 1 episode AKA Sin Bin)
    • Jeri Hogarth & Jessica Jones
      • Jeri Hogarth: You starting a support group? Will you be participating?
        Jessica Jones: Like I'd waste my time circle jerking with a bunch of whiners.
        Jeri Hogarth: Yes, you are a paragon of mental health.
        (Season 1 episode AKA 99 Friends)
      • Jeri Hogarth: You need to pull yourself together. You are coming across distinctly paranoid.
        Jessica: Everyone keeps saying that. It's like a conspiracy.
        (Season 1 episode AKA 99 Friends)
    • Jessica Jones
      • Jessica Jones: If you say, With great power comes great responsibility, I swear I'll throw up on you. (Season 2 episode AKA Playland)
      • Jessica Jones: What doesn't kill us makes us stranger. (Season 1 episode AKA I've Got the Blues)
      • Jessica Jones: I wish I had a Mother of the Year award so I could bludgeon you with it. (Season 1 episode AKA Sin Bin)
      • Jessica Jones: You think you're the only ones who've lost people? You think you're the only ones with pain? You think you can take your shit and dump it on me? You don't get to do that! So you take your goddamn pain and you live with it, assholes! You lost your parents? Welcome to the goddamn club! I lost mine in some random accident. Do you see me trying to kill every shitty driver? No! Because I don't work my shit out on other people! So keep your goddamn feelings to yourselves! (Season 1 episode AKA 99 Friends)
      • Jessica Jones: You're the first person I ever pictured a future with. You're also the first person I ever shot in the head. (Season 1 episode AKA Smile)
      • Jessica Jones: Lady, you're a very perceptive asshole. (Season 1 episode AKA Crush Syndrome)
      • Jessica Jones: Breaking and entering, my specialty. As well as punching, kickin', drinkin' and talkin' shit. The four essentials of being a P.I. (Season 1 episode AKA Take a Bloody Number)
      • Jessica Jones: Hey, don't knock meaningless sex. (Season 2 episode AKA Start at the Beginning)
      • Jessica Jones: Please, Trish, listen to me. Don't call, don't visit, and don't send strange men to my apartment with power tools. (Season 1 episode AKA Crush Syndrome)
      • Jessica Jones: Now, I don't give a bag of dicks what kinky shit you're into. Just be into it quietly. (Season 1 episode AKA Crush Syndrome)
      • Jessica Jones: Today, I'm free. Do you know why? No, because you're a shitty investigator. So go talk to the cops, go steal someone else's cases. You know what? Go beat off in the corner, because I don't give a dead moose's last shit. I'm gonna find the actual killer. (Season 2 episode AKA The Octopus)
      • Jessica Jones: Sorry, I'm a dick. (Season 3 episode AKA I Have No Spleen)
    • Jessica Jones & Malcolm
      • Jessica Jones: We can afford to take a pro bono case. That will just attract more sob stories and nut jobs. Meaning people in pain who actually need our help. Let it get personal and the whole case goes to shit. A good P.I. needs objectivity. Take the case. Take the clues. Take the cash. What are you doing?
        Malcolm: I'm writing that down. It was pithy.
        Jessica Jones: That wasn't a lesson.
        (Season 2 episode AKA Start at the Beginning)
    • Kilgrave
      • Kilgrave: Assholes try, I just go. (Season 1 episode AKA You're a Winner)
    • Kilgrave & Jessica Jones
      • Kilgrave: So, you found my testing arena.
        All by yourself?
        Jessica Jones: Just followed the trail of misery.
        Kilgrave: Oh, that's a good band name.
        (Season 1 episode AKA Take a Bloody Number)
    • Luke Cage
      • Luke Cage: Jessica Jones, you are a hard-drinking, short-fused, mess of a woman, but you are not a piece of shit. (Season 1 episode AKA You're a Winner)
      • Luke Cage: I was wrong. You are a piece of shit. (Season 1 episode AKA You're a Winner)
    • Malcolm & Jessica Jones
      • Malcolm: Clozapine.
        Jessica Jones: That's an antipsychotic.
        Malcolm: So, I guess he was nuts.
        Jessica Jones: 1200 milligrams? The fact that he could walk, much less run, is a testament to his powers.
        Malcolm: Wait, he actually was the Whizzer?
        Jessica Jones: Whoever sent these to him are the ones who made him like that.
        Malcolm: And he couldn't remember anything. Sounds kinda like you.
        Jessica Jones: More than kinda. Lesson number one. Read the fine print. There's no prescribing doctor listed, or pharmacy. Just the manufacturer. Salento.
        (Season 2 episode AKA Start at the Beginning)
      • Malcolm: What is it?
        Jessica Jones: Asshole Pryce's life story. Tax returns college transcripts, military records. I am an open book. Means a good P.I. doesn't leave secrets that can be leveraged against them. Again, that's not a lesson.
        (Season 2 episode AKA Start at the Beginning)
    • Malcolm & Robyn
      • Malcolm: Ruben was such a great guy. He was kind and gentle, and I don't know what he put in that banana bread but, it was like crack. Wait, was it crack?
        Robyn: Nutmeg.(Season 1 episode AKA Take a Bloody Number)
    • Policeman, Kilgrave & Jessica Jones
      • Policeman: What are you doing?
        Kilgrave: We can go about our business. Move along.
        Policeman: Move along.
        Jessica Jones: Obi-Wan Kenobi?
        Kilgrave: But cooler.
        (Season 1 episode AKA WWJD?)
    • Robyn
      • Robyn: Jesus, what is it with people? At best, they're assholes. At worst, they're zombie assassins. (Season 1 episode AKA I've Got the Blues)
    • Trish
      • Trish: You clearly care about gluten very deeply. But here's the thing. It doesn't matter. Diets. Hair volume. Space-saving packing tips. None of it matters, when there's war, sex trafficking, elusive companies conducting illegal human research on kids, no less. I could go on. No, no, no, I will go on. Racism, global warming, child pornography, murder, poverty, true human suffering that too many people refuse to look at. Denial is a warm bed that no one wants to get out of, and Trish Talk is the comforter on that bed. I keep you complacent. I keep your eyes down. But you know what? This show is bullshit. I've been spouting bullshit. Wake up, people! Face the truth. Bad shit happens every day, and every single goddamn person has the power to do something about it. So do something! I'm going to. Starting with throwing off the covers and getting the hell off this shitty show. I quit.
    • Trish & Lila Yale
      • Trish: We're back with Lila Yale, author and nutritionist of Gluten Freedom: Going Against The Grain. We were discussing the dangers of gluten, and I'm wondering if you can tell me how many people die each year from celiac disease?
        Lila: It's not a direct cause of death.
        Trish: Your book says gluten can mean life or death.
        Lila: I didn't mean that literally. But gluten causes inflammation in the intestines. Not to mention autoimmune reactions even in people who don't have celiac disease. Gluten is the silent irritant. Doesn't get worse than that.
        Trish: So would you say it's worse than, uh, gun violence? Or what's happening in Syria? Those are certainly issues, but three million Americans are afflicted with gluten Or sexual assault? Or cancer?
        Gluten sensitives suffer in other ways.
        Lila: Scientists have linked a gut microbe to anxiety in the brain.
    • Trish & Sally
      • Trish: I was young. And entitled.
        Sally: And high out of your bratty mind.
        Sober ten years now, thanks.
        Sally: Patsy Goes to Rehab. There's your comeback show.
        (Season 2 episode AKA God Help the Hobo)
    • The Whizzer
      • The Whizzer: With great power comes great mental illness. (Season 2 episode AKA Freak Accident)

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