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 Exact order 
BROOKLYN NINE-NINE 2013 TV Series
  • Terry Jeffords: No waiting, just toasting. I want you to toast, now I wanna eat toast, gimme some toast! (Season 1 episode Thanksgiving)

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  • Quotes
    • Amy Santiago
      • Amy Santiago: I've read through three years of Seth's emails, and it's mostly inquiries about where he could buy a Batmobile. (Season 6 episode He Said, She Said)
    • Amy Santiago & Jake Peralta
      • Amy Santiago: Ooh, look. It's a robot that can patrol an empty building all by itself.
        Jake Peralta: Oh, no, this is how it starts. It's Skynet all over again. Here, let's wait here a second and see if our future selves show up and tell us to destroy it. Nope. Looks like we're in the clear. It's kind of cute.
        (Season 4 episode Cop-Con)
      • Amy Santiago: I wanted Jake to rig the envelopes and partner up with Holt. I gave him the idea by making him watch Lincoln. And when that didn't work, we watched X-Men: Days of Future Past.
        Jake Peralta: Magneto and Professor X working together? Amy, are you seeing this?
        Amy Santiago: Yes, I see it. I see it all.
        (Season 7 episode Valloweaster)
    • Boyle
      • Boyle: Remember freaks - the real freak is the freak inside. (Season 7 episode The Jimmy Jab Games II)
    • Captain Holt
      • Captain Holt: And if you coat yourself in chum and swim with sharks, you probably won't be eaten, said the half-eaten chum-covered swimmer. (Season 5 episode Safe House)
      • Captain Holt: Booyakasha! (Season 3 episode Karen Peralta)
      • Captain Holt: Do not trust any child that chews bubble gum-flavored bubble gum. Do not trust any adult that chews gum at all. (Season 4 episode The Last Ride)
      • Captain Holt: Oh, I see you have a knife. But what you need is an umbrella. 'Cause there's a [bleep]storm gonna rain down on you, punk. (Season 7 episode Ransom)
      • Captain Holt: There are two acceptable sleep positions. On back, toes up, arms crossed, or on back, toes up, arms at the side. (Season 4 episode The Last Ride)
      • Captain Holt: When people say, "Good morning," they mean, "Hello." When people say, "How are you?" they mean, "Hello." When people say, "What's up?" they mean, "I am a person not worth talking to." (Season 4 episode The Last Ride)
      • Captain Holt: I will slit you both open from mouth to anus and wear you like jackets. (Season 4 episode Halloween IV)
      • Captain Holt: You don't work with Jake Peralta for three years without knowing what the "Funky Cold Medina" is. (Season 3 episode Greg and Larry)
      • Captain Holt: You took the wrong fluffy boy! (Season 7 episode Ransom)
      • Captain Holt: There's nothing scarier than the realities of the municipal court system. (Season 3 episode Hostage Situation)
    • Captain Holt & Gina Linetti
      • Captain Holt: I can't take credit for that. Gina Linetti is the real hero here.
        Gina Linetti: But isn't Gina Linetti more of a state of mind? Like, in a way, we were all Gina Linetti today.
        (Season 4 episode Coral Palms)
    • Captain Holt & Jake Peralta New record added 10/15/2021
      • Captain Holt: I’m initiating Operation Trident… like the famed weapon of the sea, forged by the cyclops for Poseidon himself. The trident has three prongs, like my approach.
        Jake Peralta: Ah, not to interrupt, but Aquama’s trident has five prongs.
        Captain Holt: That’s absurd. The prefix tri means three. What this aquatic man carries is better termed a pentadent.
        Jake Peralta: No, it’s a trident. They call it that in the original theatrical release and the Snyder cut, so you’re 100% wrong and everyone’s laughing at you.
        (Season 8 episode Blue Flu)
      • Captain Holt: How will I know to open the door?
        Jake Peralta: When you hear me knock the "Funky Cold Medina."
        Captain Holt: I don't know what the "Funky Cold Medina" is. Even context clues have failed me.
        (Season 3 episode Greg and Larry)
    • Charles Boyle
      • Charles Boyle: That car is your superpower! Thor would never wager his hammer, and Neil Patrick Harris would never wager his showmanship!
      • Charles Boyle: Pretty cool, huh? I feel like Dexter. I think. I never actually saw the show. Billboard gave me nightmares. (Season 4 episode Mr. Santiago)
      • Charles Boyle: Jake, piece of advice - just give up. It's the Boyle way. It's why our family crest is a white flag. (Season 5 episode NutriBoom)
    • Charles Boyle & Captain Holt
      • Charles Boyle: Am I just a piece of meat to you?
        Captain Holt: Yes. Now, put on a smile, Pork Chop.
        (Season 4 episode Halloween IV)
    • Doug Judy
      • Doug Judy: The thin blue line just got thick as hell. (Season 4 episode The Fugitive Part Two)
      • Doug Judy: New York's finest just got a whole lot finer. (Season 4 episode The Fugitive Part Two)
      • Doug Judy: The texture of quiche is unsettling. (Season 7 episode The Takeback)
    • Doug Judy & Jake Peralta
      • Doug Judy: You want me to help you catch him? Like when X-men teamed up with Magneto to stop Apocalypse.
        Jake Peralta: I heard that one was bad.
        Doug Judy: Wasn't great.
        Jake Peralta: I still want to see it though.
        Doug Judy: I'd watch it again.
        (Season 4 episode The Fugitive Part Two)
    • Dr. Yee
      • Dr. Yee: Have you ever read Sung Ts'u's textbook The Washing Away of Wrongs from 1235? (Season 6 episode Gintars)
    • Gina Linetti
      • Gina Linetti: Not to brag, but I was name-checked in my kindergarten teacher's suicide note. (Season 4 episode The Overmining)
      • Gina Linetti: You don't wanna start a battle of the wills with Gina Linetti because you will emerge from that battle a broken man. (Season 4 episode The Overmining)
      • Gina Linetti: The English language can not fully capture the depth and complexity of my thoughts, so I'm incorporating emojis into my speech to better express myself. Winky face.
      • Gina Linetti: Turn your greatest weakness into your greatest strength. Like Paris Hilton RE: her sex tape. (Season 1 episode Sal's Pizza)
      • Gina Linetti: The only thing I'm not good at is modesty… because I'm great at it. (Season 5 episode DFW)
    • Gina Linetti & Captain Holt
      • Gina Linetti: I once saw you use a ruler to measure another ruler.
        Captain Holt: It was off by half a centimeter.
        (Season 3 episode The 9-8)
    • Gina Linetti & Jake Peralta
      • Gina Linetti: You would never have become a cop. Yeah, I'm the reason you're a cop. I'm your origin story, dude. You can't be mad at me.
        Jake Peralta: I feel like I'm still pretty mad.
        Gina Linetti: Peter Parker wasn't mad at his spider.
        Jake Peralta: Yeah, but they weren't best friends before the bite.
        (Season 6 episode The Tattler)
    • Gina Linetti, Rob & Captain Holt
      • Gina Linetti: Rob, do you want to share your experience with the group?
        Rob: Gladly. Okay, so, you know how there's a subterranean race of lizard-people living beneath the city who control our minds with their pheromones?
        Captain Holt: Okay, he's a wack-a-doodle. Gina, get your wack-a-doodle out of here.
        (Season 4 episode The Fugitive, Part One)
    • Jake
      • Jake: Sarge, with all due respect, I am gonna completely ignore everything you just said.
    • Jake & Rosa Diaz
      • Jake: Who's Sergio Mindar?
        Rosa Diaz: The bane of my existence.
        Bane from Batman, right? Continue.
        (Season 5 episode White Whale)
    • Jake Peralta
      • Jake Peralta: Actually, someone reported that they couldn't find your head. But we found it; it was up your butt. You're a fireman, you should know how to treat that burn. (Season 1 episode Sal's Pizza)
      • Jake Peralta: Don't worry - my bones and ribs broke my fall. (Season 7 episode The Jimmy Jab Games II)
      • Jake Peralta: My dream job is spy falsely accused of betraying his country, forced to work alone to clear his name by taking down the mysterious organization that framed him known only as S.H.A.D.E. (Season 7 episode Captain Kim)
    • Jake Peralta & Amy Santiago
      • Jake Peralta: I guess you could say he's the Golden Snitch.
        Amy Santiago: Wait. Was that a Harry Potter reference?
        Jake Peralta: It most definitely was. I started reading them because you love them so much.
        Amy Santiago: And?
        Jake Peralta: You were right. They're incredible. Remember when I called in sick the other day? I was at home reading Order of the Phoenix.
        (Season 4 episode The Fugitive, Part One)
    • Jake Peralta & Charles Boyle
      • Jake Peralta: Trust me, it's gonna be fine.
        Charles Boyle: Really? 'Cause you said that about Die Hard 5, Jake.
        Jake Peralta: Oh. It's not gonna be fine.
        (Season 4 episode Captain Latvia)
    • Jake Peralta & Doug Judy
      • Jake Peralta: Terry refuses to believe it. He thinks people can't change.
        Doug Judy: Tell that to Bruce Banner's pants and shirt.
        Jake Peralta: That's what I said!
        (Season 6 A Tale of Two Bandits)
    • Jake Peralta & Gina Linetti
      • Jake Peralta: Well, then prepare for me to murder your parents right in front of your face.
        Gina Linetti: Rude.
        Jake Peralta: No, it's Batman's origin story. It's like the radioactive spider thing you with with me.
        Gina Linetti: I don't read comic books.
        (Season 6 episode The Tattler)
    • Mr. Haggerty
      • Mr. Haggerty: Yeah, because she's crazy. I know we're not supposed to say that about women. I usually wouldn't go there because I'm a huge advocate. I mean, I'm the kind of guy who thinks Kathryn Bigelow should direct the next Star Wars. I've said that out loud to other men. (Season 6 episode He Said, She Said)
    • Rosa Diaz & Jake Peralta
      • Rosa Diaz: I'm only attracted to creeps: the Vulture, the ShamWow guy, and when I was a kid, I had a major crush on the evil Gremlin.
        Jake Peralta: Stripe? Are you crazy? Yeah, well I'm not gonna bone Gizmo.
        Jake Peralta: I would.
        (Season 3 episode Adrian Pimento)
    • Terry Jeffords
      • Terry Jeffords: I just negotiated my baby girls down from a pony to a hamster. Little fools. (Season 2 episode The Road Trip)
      • Terry Jeffords: No waiting, just toasting. I want you to toast, now I wanna eat toast, gimme some toast! (Season 1 episode Thanksgiving)
      • Terry Jeffords: What the hell, Boyle! You almost killed me! I'm not going out in a stew-making accident! Terry's gonna die saving the President, or Terry's never gonna die! (Season 3 episode Adrian Pimento)
    • Terry Jeffords & Jake Peralta
      • Terry Jeffords: People don't change.
        Jake Peralta: Ever heard of Bruce Banner, the Incredible Hulk? You might want to talk to his shirt and pants about people not changing.
        (Season 6 A Tale of Two Bandits)
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