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BREAKING BAD 2008 TV Series
  • Saul Goodman: You ever actually play lazer tag? You know, it's good cardio. Plus, you get to shoot at kids. (Season 3 episode Full Measure)

Real dates. Fictional events.
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Fictional business and products... and more
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  • Quotes
    • Badger
      • Badger: Dude, you are historically retarded. Nazi zombies don't wanna eat you just because they're craving the protein. They do it because - They do it because they hate Americans, man. (Season 4 episode Thirty-Eight Snub)
    • Badger & Saul Goodman
      • Badger: You're gonna get me off, right?
        Saul Goodman: What do I look like - your high school girlfriend five fingers, no waiting?
        (Season 2 episode Better Call Saul)
    • Badger & Skinny Pete
      • Badger: Dude, you are tripping. I'm not dead. I'm on the starship Enterprise macking on Yeoman Rand while the Andorian with the disruptor is back on Talos IV, or whatever.
        Skinny Pete: What do you think all those sparkles and shit are? Transporters are breaking you apart, man, down to your molecules and bones. They're making a copy. That dude who comes out on the other side? He's not you. He's a color Xerox.
        Badger: So you're telling me every time Kirk went into the transporter, he was killing himself? So, over the whole series, there's like 147 Kirks?
        Skinny Pete: At least, dude. Yo, why do you think McCoy never likes to beam nowhere? Because he's a doctor, bitch. Look it up, it's science.
        (Season 5 episode Blood Money)
    • Badger's Star Trek Script: Badger & Skinny Pete
      • Part 3. Badger: Now it's just down to Chekov and Spock. But Chekov, you see, he's got a whole fat stack of quatloos riding on this, and he has figured out a way to win. He's got Scotty back in the transporter room locked in on Chekov's stomach. Every time Chekov eats a pie, Scotty beams it right out of him.
        Skinny Pete: Where's he sending them, the toilet?
        Badger: Space. There's blueberries just floating out there, frozen, because, it's in space. And Chekov is just shoveling them into his mouth, and Spock's like, "I can't believe this Russian is defeating me." Meanwhile, Scotty's on the transporter room, fiddling with levers, when Lieutenant Uhura comes in. And she's got, you know, her big points, and Scotty's fingers are all sweaty. Chekov screams! He sprays blood out of his mouth - Scotty beamed his guts into space!
        (Season 5 episode Blood Money)
      • Part 2. Badger: Finally, it's down to just three - Kirk, Spock and Chekov. Okay, Spock always wins these things.
        Skinny Pete: How is Spock gonna beat Kirk, yo? Spock;s like a toothbrush. Look at Kirk. He's got room to spare.
        Badger: Spock has total Vulcan control over his digestion. You wanna hear this or not?
        Skinny Pete: Yeah, yeah, go.
        Badger: Okay, Finally, Kirk, he can't take it anymore, he yorks.
        (Season 5 episode Blood Money)
      • Part 1. Badger: I ever tell you about my Star Trek script?
        Skinny Pete: Star Trek script?

        Badger: Yeah. I gotta write it down, is all. The Enterprise is five parsecs out of Rigel XII. Nothing's going on, Neutral zone is quiet. The crew is bored, so they put on a pie-eating contest. The whole crew's in the galley. They're eating tulaberry pies.

        Skinny Pete: Tulaberry?
        Badger: Tulaberries, from Gamme Quadrant, yo.
        Skinny Pete: That's Voyager, dude.
        Badger: Okay, blueberries, then. They're eating blueberry pies…
        Skinny Pete: Better.
        Badger: …as fast as the replicator can churn them out.
        (Season 5 episode Blood Money)
    • Declan & Walter White
      • Declan: Who the hell are you?
        Walter White: You know.You all know exactly who I am. Say my name.
        Declan: Do what? I don't have a damn clue who the hell you are.
        Walter White: Yeah, you do. I'm the cook. I'm the man who killed Gus Fring.
        Declan: Bullshit. Cartel got Fring.
        Walter White: Are you sure? That's right. Now, say my name.
        Declan: You're Heisenberg.
        Walter White: You're goddamn right.
        (Season 5 episode Say My Name)
    • Female PA Announcer At Albuquerque Airport
      • Female PA Announcer at Albuquerque Airport: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. No parking. (Season 2 episode 4 Days Out) Note: Airplane! reference.

    • Gustavo Fring
      • Gustavo Fring (answering telephone call at Pollos Hermanos): Pollos Hermanos, where something delicious is always cooking. (Season 4 episode Hermanos)
    • Hank Schrader
      • Hank Schrader: First off, Miracle Whip is not mayonnaise, okay? "Looks like it" does not equal "taste like it". Secondly, every time it's like they gotta slather an entire jar… (Season 5 episode Buyout)
      • Hank Schrader: My name is ASAC Schrader, and you can go fuck yourself. (Season 5 episode Ozmandias)
      • Hank Schrader: Chick's got an ass like an onion. Makes you wanna cry. (Season 1 episode Crazy Handful of Nothin')
      • Hank Schrader: This is not a rock, this is a mineral, for, like, the 10th time. Blue corundum, to be precise. (Season 4 episode Thirty-Eight Snub)
    • Hank Schrader & Walter White
      • Hank Schrader: Whoa, whoa, no heavy lifting. I got it.
        Walter White: It's okay.
        Hank Schrader: I got it. Jesus. What do you got in there, cinderblocks?
        Walter White: Half a million in cash.
        Hank Schrader: That's the spirit.
        (Season 3 episode No más)
    • Huell Babineaux
      • Huell Babineaux: It was an act of God. Aint no accounting for no act of God. (Season 4 episode Crawl Space)
    • Janet & Bobby
      • Janet: KDK-12, come in. KDK-12.
        Bobby: KDK-12.
        Janet: Hey, Bobby, need you to look in on Mrs. Peyketewa.
        Bobby: She all right?
        Janet: Her daughter called from California. She hasn't heard from her in a while, kind of worried.
        Bobby: Will do.
        (Season 3 episode Sunset)

    • Jesse Pinkman
      • Jesse Pinkman: I'm the guy your boss brought here to show you how it's done. And if this is how you run your lab, no wonder. You're lucky he hasn't fired your ass. Now, if you don't want that to happen, I suggest you stop whining like a little bitch, and do what I say. (Season 4 episode Salud)
      • Jesse Pinkman (answering machine message): Hey, it's me. Wait for the thing. (Season 3 episode Half Measure)
      • Jesse Pinkman: But seriously, what was the deal with Gus? That Terminator shit. Walking right into the bullets. What the hell was he doing? (Season 4 episode Bug)
      • Jesse Pinkman: Yo, I thought I was gonna see some, like, vaginas. (Season 3 episode Abiquiu)
      • Jesse Pinkman: Hey tell your douchebag brother-in-law to head towards the light. (Season 3 episode I See You)
      • Jesse Pinkman: It's just basic chemistry, yo. (Season 1 episode Gray Matter)
    • Jesse Pinkman, Badger & Skinny Pete
      • Jesse Pinkman: What's the point of being an outlaw when you have responsibilities?
        Badger: Darth Vader had responsibilities. He was responsible for the Death Star.
        Skinny Pete: True that. Two of them bitches.
        (Season 3 episode Kafkaesque)
    • Mike Ehrmantraut
      • Mike Ehrmantraut: Don't make me beat you until your legs don't work. (Season 3 episode Full Measure)
      • Mike Ehrmantraut: You know, Walter, sometimes it doesn't hurt to have someone watching your back. (Season 3 episode Green Light)
    • Saul Goodman
      • Saul Goodman: You ever actually play lazer tag? You know, it's good cardio. Plus, you get to shoot at kids. (Season 3 episode Full Measure)
      • Saul Goodman: Don't drink and drive. But if you do, call me. (Season 5 episode To'hajiilee)
      • Saul Goodman: Believe me, there's no honor among thieves, except for us. (Season 3 episode One Minute)
      • Saul Goodman: Yo Adrian, Rocky called, he wants his face back! (Season 3 episode One Minute)
    • Saul Goodman & Walter White
      • Saul Goodman: Did you not plan for this contingency?
        Walter White: No.
        Saul Goodman: Well, next time, plan for it, would you? The starship Enterprise had a self-destruct button, I'm just saying.
        (Season 3 episode Sunset)
    • Tuco Salamanca
      • Tuco Salamanca: This kicks like a mule with his balls wrapped in duct tape. (Season 1 episode Crazy Handful of Nothin')
      • Tuco Salamanca: Sometimes you gotta rob to keep your riches. (Season 1 episode Crazy Handful of Nothin')
    • Walter White
      • Walter White: I said fuck you. And your eyebrows. Wipe down this! (Pilot episode)
      • Walter White: Run. (Season 3 episode Half Measure)
      • Walter White: Smoking marijuana, eating Cheetos and masturbating do not constitute plans in my book. (Season 2 episode 4 Days Out)
      • Walter White: Well, guess what, every life comes with a death sentence. (Season 4 episode Hermanos)
      • Walter White: I am not in danger, Skyler. I am the danger. A guy opens his door and gets shot and you think that of me? No. I am the one who knocks. (Season 4 episode Cornered)
    • Walter White & Mike Ehrmantraut
      • Walter White: I'm going to need some assurance.
        Mike Ehrmantraut: I assure you I can kill you from way over here if it makes you feel any better.
        (Season 3 episode Full Measure)
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