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1998 TV Series

Real dates. Fictional events.

Fictional business and products... and more

  • Laurie: Cosmetology school is too hard!

  • Hyde: You can say much by saying very little, grasshopper.

  • Red: Are you taking a beer?
    Steven: Hey, focus man! He's dating your daughter!

  • Hyde: I read somewhere that people in India fast, man. And, that it makes them think better. And, sometimes they can actually think themselves to death, man.

  • Donna: I hope she didn't give me like slut rabies!

  • Caroline: Hey Eric- Lookin' good. Call me.

  • Red: Jedi Knight, phhh. Jedi dumbass.

  • Fez (holding 2 bowling balls): Hey guys - My balls are black and blue.

  • Fez: You are not a man!

  • Fez: Once you go Fez, you never go back. That rhymes in my language.

  • Red: How'd you like to own a little bit of my foot in your ass?
    Bob: I wouldn't, wo be quite honest with you.
    Red: It's free.

  • Hyde: You can't teach someone how to be zen. You can only learn how to be zen.

  • Eric: Let's turn that frown upside down. Let's have super hot sex, baby. (episode Romantic Weekend)

  • Jackie Burkhart: Michael, I have some bad news... I just found out I have BHD.
    Michael Kelso: BHD?
    Jackie Burkhart: Yeah, Brittle Hair Disease. I have to go to the hospital tomorrow and get all my hair shaved off.
    Michael Kelso: So... you'll be...
    Jackie Burkhart: Bald, Michael. B-A-L-D. No hair, shiny head, bald... And my hair... won't ever grow back either. Will you still love me when I'm bald?

  • Kelso (holding 2 bowling balls): Hey guys- I've got ten pound balls. (episode The Trials Of Michael Kelso)

  • Red: Kitty says that if you too want to see each other there's nothing I can do about it, but she's wrong because I can kill you. That's a joke, Kelso. You should laugh when I tell a joke.

  • Eric: See Donna, size doesn't matter.
    Donna: Oh, you don't have to tell me.

  • Hyde: Where zen ends, ass-kicking begins.

  • Jackie: Fez, I'm cold.
    Fez: Frankly, my dear, I don't give a rat's ass.

  • Kelso: The unsung heroes of the new west. (episode The Trials of Michael Kelso)

  • Red: If you don't want to wear your ass for a hat, you'd better get upstairs.

  • Hyde: I'm an original. I'm a Warhol. You're just a print.

  • Derek (the fictional Eric): Ready thyself. On this night we fornicate.

  • Fez (holding 2 bowling balls): Hey guys- My balls have holes in them.

  • Hyde: If you really want to get under her skin you have to be zen.
    Jackie: Zen? ok, you can't just make up words, Hyde.

  • Kelso: What father wouldn't like the guy that's nailing his daughter?

  • Red: At this rate I'm gonna have a heart attack even before I get my jetpack!

  • Jackie (according to Kelso): Somethin', somethin', never wanna see you again, blah, blah, blah.

  • Fez (holding 2 bowling balls): Hey guys - my balls have writing on them.


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