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NIGHT GALLERY
1970 TV Series


Fictional business and products... and more
219
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  • Charlie McKinley: Well, just don't get too warm or too relieved. (episode The Waiting Room)

  • Molly Wheatland: Poor Jamie. got no body. (episode Something in the Woodwork)

  • Charlie Wheatland (possessed by Jamie): Charlie is no longer with us Mrs. Wheatland. Charlie is gone. (episode Something in the Woodwork)

  • Ralph Burke: You'll soon be as dead as you're supposed to be. (episode The Ghost of Sorworth Place)

  • Walter Bedeker: Don't drench me with those crocodile tears of yours. (episode Escape Clause)

  • Alistair Loring: You think you won free. Well, you're wrong. In a year's time, I'll return and I'll celebrate our second wedding anniversary. (episode The Ghost of Sorworth Place)

  • Professor Peabody: Superstition is and always has been a bottleneck in the path of progress. (episode Professor Peabody's Last Lecture)

  • Fern: It's beauty. Life is beauty. Kiss the toad. (episode The Return of the Sorcerer)

  • Narrator: Good evening, and welcome to a private showing of three paintings, displayed here for the first time. Each is a collector's item in its own way - not because of any special artistic quality, but because each captures on a canvas, suspends in time and space, a frozen moment of a nightmare. (episode A Question of Fear)

  • Gideon: Think Tankers and Psychiatrists are killing this country. (episode The Phantom Farmhouse)

  • Rod Serling: Welcome art lovers. (episode The Last Laurel)

  • Jamie Dilman: Why wouldn't you leave me alone? There was peace in the woodwork. Peace! (episode Something in the Woodwork)

  • Henry Millikan: I'm sorry gentlemen. It looks like my expirament was in the nature of a mild failure. (episode You Can Come Up Now, Mrs. Millikan)

  • Cedric Acton: I hate to be obvious, darling, but you're no lady. You're my wife. (episode The Housekeeper)

  • Mr. Bullivant: Godspeed. (episode Dead Weight)

  • Narrator: Good evening. We welcome you to this palladium of art treasures that range from the kooky to the uncommon, from the bestial to the bizarre, and I'd like to take you on a guided tour through the Night Gallery. A collection of paintings on display for only the most discriminating because it's best that they be seen both after and in the dark. (episode A Fear of Spiders)

  • Mrs. Fulton: Is it possible they programmed a little slut into you? (episode You Can't Get Help Like That Anymore)

  • Mr. Saunders: You know, from little acorns might oaks grow. That's a fact. But do you know what grows from an old lady's fingers? Old ladies! Old Ladies! (episode Green Fingers)

  • Fern: Oneness is All. Let's go to my room. You wouldn't want to leave me alone on a night like this. I mean, with everything that's happened. (episode The Return of the Sorcerer)

  • Sam Dichter: Now you gimme that drink or you're gonna be the coldest bartender east of California! (episode The Waiting Room)

  • Henry Mallory: Vo-Do. Very rare. A kind of mouse, an ancestor of the bat. (episode A Feast of Blood)

  • Preacher: For this corruptable must put on in corruption, and this mortal put on immortality. Oh, death, where is thy sting. Oh, grave, where is thy victory. This concludes our service for John Michael Fearing. (episode The Dead Man)

  • Narrator: There's a saying- Every man is put on earth condemned to die. Time and method of execution unknown. (episode Escape Clause)

  • Charlie Rogan: Hi. Mind if I join you? (episode The Miracle at Camafeo)

  • Ann Loring: He'd dead. And I'm in deadly fear of him. (episode The Ghost of Sorworth Place)

  • Mr. Fulton: I think anybody that looks like you has got to do more than just clean up a room. (episode You Can't Get Help Like That Anymore)

  • Bruce Tarraday: Mildred - that woman is noticeably more noticed that noticing. (episode Last Rites for a Dead Druid)

  • Doc Soames: Advice is medicine. am I right, gentlemen? (episode The Waiting Room)

  • Doc Soames: The point is, the elusive point is, that we, all of us, were doomed from the moment we took up firearms. (episode The Waiting Room)

  • Ms. Munsch: I want you. I want your wanting me. (episode The Girl With the Hungry Eyes)

  • J.J. Wilson: Coming west I had to set my watch back 200 years. (episode Since Aunt Ada Came to Stay)

  • Holly Shaefer: Don't look at me as if you can't decide wether to flag an elevator or book me a reservation in a rubber room. (episode The Diary)

  • Henry Millikan: I'll be up in my room, George, in case the police want me. (episode You Can Come Up Now, Mrs. Millikan)

  • Narrator: Good evening, Art Lovers. For your enjoyment and edification: three paintings on display, part of a collection of kookery unique to this special exhibit. (episode House - With Ghost)

  • The Messiah: Every now and then God remembers the tenements. (episode The Messiah on Mott Street)

  • The Bartender: I guess there are some people who have a taste for death. (episode The Waiting Room)

  • Narrator: A most heart welcome to those of you whose tastes in art lean toward the bizarre. (episode The House)

  • Brenda: Don't be afraid. Don't be quiet. Don't be dead. (episode Brenda)

  • Professor: C is a shining body of water or the Spanish affirmative. (episode Class of 99)

  • Mr. Hawkins: Surprise! (episode Big Surprise)

  • Narrator: Take your positions, if you will now. The camera's ready and smile, please. (episode Smile, Please)

  • Molly Wheatland: Did you bring the salvage squad with you? Where are all the little men in the white coats. Do you have some kind of fancy shmancy court order to take me away to the funny farm? (episode Something in the Woodwork)

  • Dr. Nichols: He hath fed our sea for a thousand years, she calls us still unfed, though there's never a wave of all her waves that marks our dead. (episode Lindemann's Catch)

  • Narrator: A most cordial welcome to this nocturnal arcade, featuring canvases that are sometimes a bit on the peculiar side, sometimes uncommon- sometimes a few frescoes of the freakish. (episode Midnight Never Ends)

  • Ralph Burke: I'll bury your ghost for you, Ann. And maybe because, you see, I have some ghosts of my own as well. Maybe I'll bury mine in the same grave. (episode The Ghost of Sorworth Place)

  • Dr. William Fall: Gentlemen, I'm not going to take up too much of your time. My demonstration. I'm going to pose an academic question. Now, if I was, pardon me, Doctor, if I were to take this knife and embed it into my throat and cut to the depth of three centimeters, in your professional estimation, what do you think would be my chances of survival?

  • Molly Wheatland: Like Charlie says, never had a scared bone in my body. Never have. Nothing scares me. Nothing scares me. (episode Something in the Woodwork)

  • Mrs. Bowen: Mr. Saunders, I have green fingers. Do you know that? Everything I plant grows. even me! (episode Green Fingers)

  • Narrator: Welcome, Ladies and Gentlemen, to an exhibit of the eerie and the oddball.

  • Dr. Stringfellow: If that child crosses over into the shadows I am going to bring her back to life. (episode Doctor Stringfellow's Rejuvenator)

  • Mr. Fulton: Let me tell you something - Whoever made you sure put it all together cause you're one little charming hunk of maid, believe me. (episode You Can't Get Help Like That Anymore)

  • Vampire: Cheese! (episode Smile, Please)

  • Narrator: A very hearty welcome to Night Gallery, and to a collection of art not found in your average museum. These are paintings that represent life. but occasionally death as well. (episode Room With a View)

  • Colonel Malloy: You still lose, Mazi! (episode A Question of Fear)

  • Craig Lowell: I think it is entirely logical I may be going mad. (episode Since Aunt Ada Came to Stay)

  • Sherry: A, forget it, Ellis, B, don't worry your little head about a single thing, and C, it's all over, Ducky. (episode House - With Ghost)

  • Dr. Francis Deeking: Cheers. (episode Marmalade Wine)

  • Sheila Gray: You're disgusting. You're slime, that's what you are. Well, you think of me in John's arms, making love to me. The ugliest woman in the world wouldn't have a toad like you. (episode A Feast of Blood)

  • William Sharsted: Humanity applies to funeral eulogies and Valentines cards, not business. (episode Camera Obscura)

  • Rod Serling: We welcome you, Ladies and Gentlemen, to an exhibit of art- a collection of oils and still-lifes that share one thing in common: you won't find them in the average salon or exhibition hall or art museam. (episode The Dead Man)

  • Helena Millikan: Henry's going to bring me back to life. (episode You Can Come Up Now, Mrs. Millikan)

  • Richard Alden: In each of us there are two separate and distinct doors. Behind the first, good is waiting. Behind the second, evil. Now, neither one can get in and neither one can live unless you let it in. Unless you open the doors. The choice is always yours. (episode Brenda)

  • Andrew MacBane: MacBane Contrimunde. (episode There Aren't Any More McBanes)

  • Pete Tuttle: Close your eyes, Charlie. Close 'em. Now you're beginning to feel sleepy. Sleep. That's it Charlie. It's beautiful, you're drowsy. that was 8 seconds, wasn't it? (episode Finnegan's Flight)

  • Narrator: Good evening. Of course you're all here by invitation, but don't let it disturb you if these paintings, per se, don't happen to be your thing. These are rather special paintings, the kind of hangings generally put up with a noose. (episode The Messiah on Mott Street)

  • Joe Bristol: I'd sooner be kin to a vulture bird. (episode The Waiting Room)

  • Aunt Ada: Nature wakes you, nature rests you, nature makes you, nature takes you. (episode Since Aunt Ada Came to Stay)

  • Holly Shaefer: The rich get richer and the old broads get older. (Episode The Diary)

  • Narrator: Good evening. Let me welcome you to this parlor of paintings. We offer them to you for your enjoyment and edification. Feel free to dwell on them at your leisure and in your own good fashion. But kindly don't touch, because here they frequently touch back. (episode The Girl With the Hungry Eyes)

  • Mr. Gingold: Distance sweetens, does it not? (episode Camera Obscura)

  • Henry Millikan: Darling. Sweetheart. Time to get up. Darling. Darling. Sweetheart. Time to start breathing again. Sweetheart. It's time. (episode You Can Come Up Now, Mrs. Millikan)

  • Doc Soames: That bill now due and payable for yours truly. (episode The Waiting Room)

  • Abe Bennett: Where am I going? I'm going out to a bank in Tombstone, then I'm going up to a belfry in a little church, then I'm gonna drop 50 feet down to a dusty street with a bullet between my eyes and the sound of bells. (episode The Waiting Room)

  • Narrator: Good evening. We offer you an evening's sojourn amongst the wild, the woolly, the unbelievable. sometimes made believable.

  • Rod Serling: For those of you who've never met me, you might call me the undernourished Alfred Hitchcock. The great British crasftsman and I do share something in common: an interest in the oddball; a predilection toward the bizarre- and this place is nothing if it isn't bizarre, by virtue of the paintings you see hanging around me. (episode Since Aunt Ada Came to Stay)

  • Dr. Kessler: These things have more human qualities that you two have ever dreamt of. What did you ever kick, punch and abuse before we developed robots for you? Did you pull wings off of flies? Did you pour kerosene on cats? Did you? (episode You Can't Get Help Like That Anymore)

  • Rod Serling: The name of this place, should you have come in here accidentally out of the rain, is the Night Gallery. We deal in paint, pigment, light and shadow- realism, surrealism, impressionism, and ghost stories. (episode The Different Ones)

  • Mr. Munsch: Find one. Arrange it. Manage it. Bring about. Do. Cause to be. (episode The Girl With the Hungry Eyes)

  • Frank Heller: Hydrodendenburlia is the modern name for, and here I quote, "The sinister witch's weed of antiquity." (episode Since Aunt Ada Came to Stay)

  • Noel Evans: By all the dark powers of this world may he who reveals this secret be flayed slowly over burning coals and then thoroughly dismembered. (episode The Return of the Sorcerer)

  • Mrs. Fulton: My pleasure is to deactivate you. For good. (episode You Can't Get Help Like That Anymore)

  • Ralph Burke: Get back in your grave you lousy corpse. (Episode The Ghost of Sorworth Place)

  • Miss Crane: You're a malignant cross breed between a vulture and a hotel dick. (episode The Diary)

  • Sam Dichter: You won't be seein' me again. I don't like the place, the drink, or the company. You won't be seein' me. (episode The Waiting Room)

  • Narrator: To the shoppers, the hunters, the sifters and the winnowers, to those of you who comprise that vast fraternity of picture-watchers, we offer you this salon of the special and the supernatural. (episode Cool Air)

  • Doc Soames: We, all of us, made a vow with a gun. Colt 45. Til death do us part. (episode The Waiting Room)

  • Richard Pickman: To paint what you see you must discover who you actually are. Beware of self-portraits, ladies- at the least you may lose an ear, while at worst you run the danger of revealing your soul. (episode Pickman's Model)

  • Fern: Believe in Oneness. Terror is joy. Joy is terror. Life is death. and torture's ecstasy. We're holding black mass later. I'll see you there. (episode The Return of the Sorcerer)

  • Robot Aid Production Model 931: I see a middle-aged woman aging without grace. Aggressive, competitive, discontented, with an ugliness inside that can't be covered with cosmetics. (episode You Can't Get Help Like That Anymore)

  • Ann Loring: There's no love in me. Not for a tree nor a blade of grass. Nor man, nor beast, nor any other thing that breathes God's air. (episode The Ghost of Sorworth Place)

  • Dr. Steven: Man proposes, God disposes. (episode Certain Shadows on the Wall)

  • Angela Casey: Just because his temper is invisible, don't kid yourself that it's not there. The wind is invisible. Do you want to try a cyclone on for size? (episode The Dear Departed)

  • Girl: I'll be the first person in history to photograph an actual vampire! (episode Smile, Please)

  • Doctor: Old fool. If he was so determined to commit suicide why couldn't he at least have had the good grace to do it in the privacy of his own home? If I wanted to see a demonstration of Harakiri, I'll take in a Japanese movie. (episode The Little Black Bag)

  • Rod Serling: Good evening. A most cordial welcome to a display of canvases from which you might call the mausoleum school of art. (episode The Diary)

  • Mother: It's your baby. (episode Junior)

  • Narrator: You're most welcome in this particular museum. There's no admission, no requirement of membership, only a strong and abiding belief in the dark at the top of the stairs, or things that go bump in the night. (episode The Boy Who Predicted Earthquakes)

  • Narrator: Good evening, and welcome to the Night Gallery. Now, if you'll just follow me. Time again for your weekly excursion into the cultural. Paintings, statuary, still-lifes, collages, some abstracts- and some items in ice. That's not the technique- that, hopefully, is what we turn your blood into. (episode A Question of Fear)

  • Cedric Acton: In effect, one personality is uprooted and made to flourish in other soil. other flesh, while the previous occupant undergoes a simultaneous transplant to the body vacated. (episode The Housekeeper)

  • Charlie Rogan: When he robs me that's fraud. When he robs the kingdom of heaven that's sacrilege. (episode The Miracle at Camafeo)

  • Narrator: On display this evening, a pastiche of paintings from oddball-land. The poet Sir Max Beerbohm reflected that no one ever died of laughter. Object of brush and palette: the rebuttal. (episode Make Me Laugh)

  • Ann Loring: He called me cold. Cold as the stones in the ancestral burial ground. And he swore only a corpse could have love from me. (episode The Ghost of Sorworth Place)

  • Rod Serling: How nice of you all to come to our little exhibition. To the connoisseurs amongth you, those tasteful few who take their art seriously, we acknowledge with no apologies that you won't find the works of the masters here. Because in this particular salon we choose our paintings with an eye more towards terror than technique. (Episode A Death in the Family)

  • Richard Pickman: I grieve for you for investing your heart in such a bankrupt enterprise. (episode Pickman's Model)

  • Joe Bristol: It's a fast kid named Max Auburn. (episode The Waiting Room)

  • Mildred: I'm seeing something I never saw before, and I don't mind it at all. (episode Last Rites for a Dead Druid)

  • Ralph Burke: How many times do you have to be buried? (episode The Ghost of Sorworth Place)

  • Dr. William Fall: I went from a hypocratic healer to a hypocritical heal. That's not bad. (episode The Little Black Bag)

  • Lynn Alcott: You put your hand on that doorknob and I'll break it off at the wrist. (episode They're Tearing Down Tim Riley's Bar)

  • Narrator: Good evening and welcome to the Night Gallery, a potpourri of paintings slightly 'tilt' and left of center. (episode The Dark Boy)

  • Holly Shaefer: Words cannot adequately describe my profound emotion. (episode The Diary)

  • Mr. Gingold: That may be business, but it is a far cry from humanity. (episode Camera Obscura)

  • Vincent: Give that lady a big fat cigar! (episode Midnight Never Ends)

  • Holly Shaefer: Everything I touch turns to graveyards. Everything. (episode The Diary)

  • Junior: Thank you Daddy. (episode Junior)

  • Henry Mallory: Let me guess - the tele - you were in a beauty contest. I thought you should have won. (episode A Feast of Blood)

  • Narrator: Good evening. Please come in. The little objets d'art that you see surrounding me you won't find in your average art museum, because these are unusual paintings and statuary that come to life- or death, whatever the case may be- because this is the Night Gallery. (episode Green Fingers)

  • Narrator: We refer to him by different names- Lucifer, Mephistopheles, Beelzebub- but by any other name, he'd smell of brimstone. These, the ingredients to a one man stew: a disc jockey, a radio show, and a painting we call 'The Flip-Side of Satan'. (episode The Flip-Side of Satan)

  • Joe Belman: Hello there. My name is Joe Belman, and you are beautiful. (episode The Tune in Dan's Cafe)

  • Robot Aid Production Model 931: You're crude, cruel, vulgar. Lusting for everything, but loving nothing. (episode You Can't Get Help Like That Anymore)

  • Andrew MacBane: Triumveres Contrimunde. (episode There Aren't Any More McBanes)

  • Holly Shaefer: You're an aging broad who makes a spectacle of herself like the wicked witch of the west in hot pants. (episode The Diary)

  • Justus Walters: Can you get it through that tremendous fluttery brain of yours that I have no interest in continuing a relationship with you? (episode A Fear of Spiders)


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