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 Exact order 
NIGHT COURT 1984 TV Series
  • Roz Russell: Nothing says lovin' like someone in the oven. (Season 4 episode Change to Baby Talk)

Real dates. Fictional events.
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  • Quotes
    • Al Craven
      • Al Craven: Everybody's got something to hide, lady. That's what makes this country great. (Season 1 episode The Former Harry Stone)
    • Bull Shannon
      • Bull Shannon: Let's put a lid on this assiduousness. (Season 1 episode All You Need is Love)
      • Bull Shannon: You know the old saying, "Spare the Uzi, spoil the child." (Season 3 episode Leon, We Hardly Knew Ye)
      • Bull Shannon: Christine, Youíre a lily pad in a pond full of sludge. (Season 8 episode Itís Just a Joke)
      • Bull Shannon: Look out ladies, thereís a bull on the loose! (Season 7 episode Blue Suede Bull)
      • Bull Shannon: Wow, this is even keener than the club in Star Wars! (Season 7 episode Blue Suede Bull)
      • Bull Shannon: All right, letís hustle up some honeys! (Season 7 episode Blue Suede Bull)
      • Bull Shannon: Death is just natureís way of telling you youíre not alive anymore. (Season 6 episode Fire)
      • Bull Shannon: Out with the old, in with the new. Get sick and die, we'll replace you too. (Season 3 episode Hello, Goodbye)
      • Bull Shannon: Youíll get your Mercedes when I get some ladies. (Season 7 episode Blue Suede Bull)
      • Bull Shannon: Sir, I'm afraid they're gonna start flinging the wienies around! (Season 3 episode The Apartment)
      • Bull Shannon: Move, or I will invent the human pretzel. (Season 3 episode Hello, Goodbye)
    • Bull Shannon & Dan's Surprise Birthday Party Stripper
      • Bull Shannon: They call me Bull.
        Dan's surprise birthday party stripper: That's what they all say.(Season 3 episode The Apartment)
    • Bull Shannon, Kryptonian & Roz Russell
      • Bull Shannon (as Jor-el): Son, your mother and I love you very much.It breaks our hearts to think of being away from you. But itís no longer safe here. The time has come when, for your own good, we must send you away. I know youíre frightened, but weíre sending you to a safer place. Things are much better where youíre going. Youíll grow up safer, healthier, even stronger. Goodbye, my son.
        Kryptonian: Jor-el, you were right. Krypton is doomed.
        Roz Russell: I think a filament burned out in there. You were telling us the story of Superman.
        Bull Shannon: Wait, what about the time I got bitten by a radioactive spider?
        (Season 8 episode Crossroads Part 2)
    • Christine Sullivan
      • Christine Sullivan: Sir, I think my tendons are beginning to snap. (Season 3 episode The Apartment)
    • CIA Agent & KGB Agent
      • CIA Agent: Your mother wears combat boots.
        KGB Agent: Only during field maneuvers.
        (Season 2 episode World War III)
    • Dan Fielding
      • Dan Fielding: Weíre gonna make one hell of a chalk outline. (Season 5 episode Chrizziís Honor)
      • Dan Fielding: Not tonight, I have rabies. (Season 4 episode Rabid)
      • Dan Fielding: Has anyone told you what a cute vaccination scar you have? (Season 1 episode Quadrangle of Love)
      • Dan Fielding: Me Tarzan, you lucky.
      • Dan Fielding: Iíve just decided I want to donate one of my vital organs. Howís ten oíclock for you? (Season 5 episode The Constitution Part 1)
      • Dan Fielding: Being nice to people who can help you is one thing. Being nice to everybody is sick. (Season 1 episode Hi Honey, I'm Home)
      • Dan Fielding: Your honor, the Empire recommends we beam the earthling aboard the slave colony at Terra Bellevue. [followed by Dan's imitation of Darth Vader breathing] (Season 3 episode Danís Boss)
      • Dan Fielding: How about we go back to my place and continue the slurping? (episode Monkey Business)
      • Dan Fielding: Hey babe, wanna play with my Lincoln Log? (Season 9 episode Teacherís Pet)
      • Dan Fielding: Hold onto your Dixie cups - the south will rise again! (Season 5 episode No Hard Feelings)
      • Dan Fielding: Hi Happy, Iím horny. (Season 8 episode Alone Again, Naturally)
      • Dan Fielding: The address is on the key. Knock twice, and ask for... mercy. (Season 4 episode The Next Voice You Hear...)
      • Dan Fielding: I want your planet of origin, and I want it now. (Season 2 episode Walk, Donít Wheel)
      • Dan Fielding: Youíre beautiful when youíre spunky. (Season 2 episode Daddy for the Defense)
      • Dan Fielding: She's in a sexual trance - I need ice! (Season 3 episode The Apartment)
      • Dan Fielding: I think all this talk of the death of premarital sec is premature donít you? (Season 2 episode Daddy for the Defense)
      • Dan Fielding: How about after work you come over to my place and we can browse through my Ansel Adams prints?
      • Dan Fielding: The Dannymobile is ready to roll.
      • Dan Fielding: I think I swallowed my eyes. (Season 1 episode Bull's Baby)
      • Dan Fielding: Your squish is my command. (Season 5 episode Heart of Stone)
      • Dan Fielding: Hi, Iím shy. And I know that this may seem forward, but I was wondering if maybe sometime you would like to go out with me. I work til eleven, but if thatís inconvenient, I can resign now. Do you live near here? If not, I can move. (Season 7 episode I Said Dance!)
      • Dan Fielding [spotting the next defendant, who happens to be extremely overweight]: Sweet Jabba the Hut! (Season 5 episode Another Day in the Life)
      • Dan Fielding: Hi there. I couldnít help but sense you from across the room. See, I mean I have this innate instinct when it comes to noticing intelligent women, and I was wondering if you would like to come with me to a party at the mayorís house. (Season 2 episode The Birthday Visitor)
    • Dan Fielding & Billie Young
      • Dan Fielding: Nice to meet you.
        Billie Young: My pleasure.
        Dan Fielding: That could be arranged.
        (Season 2 episode Billie and the Cat)
    • Dan Fielding & Roz Russell
      • Dan Fielding: I am off to Easy Street
        Roz Russell: More like Sleazy Street.
        (Season 9 episode Opportunity Knock-Knocks Part 1)
    • Donna Fielding
      • Donna Fielding: Hey sailor, wanna do the hornpipe? (Season 8 episode A Family Affair Part 2)
    • Dr. Charles Melnick
      • Dr. Charles Melnick: You can't get good psychological therapy at Kmart, fella. (Season 3 episode Up on the Roof)
    • Dr. Judith Malloy
      • Dr. Judith Malloy: Oh Dan, make me scream like a banshee! (Season 6 episode Mental Giant)
    • Dr. Lawrence Osborne
      • Dr. Lawrence Osborne: All right, come on, people, thatís enough reality for one day. (Season 2 episode Nuts About Harry)
    • Florence
      • Florence: Ever do it to Twisted Sister? Talk is cheap, Bernie. (Season 3 episode Danís Boss)
      • Florence [seeing Dan in a wheelchair]: So that's why they call him Dr. Strangelove. (Season 3 episode Walk Away, Renee)
      • Florence: Honey, you just came this close to consciousness. (Season 3 episode Mac and Quon Le: No Reservations)
    • Harry Anderson
      • Harry Anderson: All right, Mr. Sulu - Warp 9. (Season 7 episode Blue Suede Bull)
    • Harry Stone
      • Harry Stone: Let's cut out the formality - what can I do to make you fall hopelessly in love with me? (Season 3 episode Halloween, Too)
      • Harry Stone: Well, hereís another fact - youíre a big Weiner. (Season 7 episode Branded Part 2)
      • Harry Stone: My mom always said I was special. (Season 2 episode Nuts About Harry)
      • Harry Stone: I donít know nothing about birthiní no babies. (Season 3 episode Hurricane)
      • Harry Stone: Was Filet of Law Text on the cafeteria menu this evening? (Season 9 episode Teacherís Pet)
      • Harry Stone: Fish can't talk to you, Leonard. (Season 1 episode Welcome Back, Momma)
      • Harry Stone: Youíve met the Marx brothersÖ Groucho, Chico, Cujo. (Season 6 episode Yet Another Day in the Life)
      • Harry Stone: Vaya con queso, mi compadre. (Season 5 episode Who Was that Mashed Man?)
      • Harry Stone: The court will remand the defendant to the custody of Bellevue. Bull, beam him up. (Season 5 episode Who Was that Mashed Man?)
      • Harry Stone: You held up an International House of Pancakes? How waffle!
      • Harry Stone: This could go either way, unless... no, I guess it's got to go either way. (Season 1 episode All You Need is Love)
      • Harry Stone: Hi ladies, I'm Harry - but aren't we all? (Season 4 episode Rabid)
    • Harry Stone & Bull Shannon
      • Harry Stone: Well, I guess the next step is obvious.
        Bull Shannon: Right. We kill him. Then we rip his face off. Then we put it back on upside down.
        Harry Stone: You subscribe to Drawn and Quarterly, don't you?
        (Season 4 episode Caught Red Handed)
    • Harry Stone & Christine Sullivan
      • Harry Stone: Defense?
        Christine Sullivan: My clients plead innocent, your honor.
        Harry Stone: What grounds?

        Christine Sullivan: Well, they claim to be victims ofÖ a mind meld.
        Harry Stone: A mind meld? Oh, come on, get real, guys! Star Trek is a TV show, for criminyís sakes. Iím gonna fine you each thirty bucks and I suggest you stop living with your parents.
        (Season 6 episode Yet Another Day in the Life)
    • Harry Stone & Dan Fielding
      • Harry Stone: What do we have here, a little friction Ďtwixt the old Trekkies and the new?
        Dan Fielding: Yes, Sir, they were involved in a brawl that broke out at their convention during a seminar on the role of androids in Starfleet command vehiclesÖ Donít you guys ever just get loaded and hire a stripper?
        (Season 6 episode Yet Another Day in the Life)
      • Harry Stone: Love is strange, huh?
        Dan Fielding: Yeah, if you know what youíre doing.
        (Season 4 episode The Modest Proposal)
    • Harry Stone & Eddie Simms
      • Harry Stone: Hi. I'm Judge Stone. And you're?
        Eddie Simms: Batman. This is my old lady, Wonder Woman.
        (Season 1 episode Santa Goes Downtown)
    • Harry Stone, Christine Sullivan & Dan Fielding
      • Harry Stone: Iíd like to grant a continuance pending a psychiatric evaluation.
        Christine Sullivan: Agreed.
        Dan Fielding: Ready to beam him aboard, Sir.
        (Season 3 episode The Hostage)
    • Harry Stone, Mac, New Trekkie, Old Trekkie & Bull Shannon
      • Harry Stone: Whatís up, Mac?
        Mac: A little case of disturbing the peace at a Star Trek convention, Sir.
        New Trekkie: Admit it, the old Enterprise was a piece of junk!
        Old Trekkie: Oh yeah? How would you like a Vulcan death grip?
        Bull Shannon: How do you like the bailiff Bull grip?
        (Season 6 episode Yet Another Day in the Life)
    • Kitty
      • Kitty: Oh, was I being a bad kitty? I should be disciplined. (Season 5 episode Who Was that Mashed Man?)
      • Kitty: Iíd rather sit on your lap and suck out your fillings. (Season 5 episode Who Was that Mashed Man?)
    • Kumok
      • Kumok: You are business end of reindeer. (Season 6 episode Dannyís Got His Gun, Part 2)
    • Lana Wagner
      • Lana Wagner: Harry, how could you take pudding from a hooker? (Season 1 episode Once in Love with Harry)
      • Lana Wagner: Never say to a judge, "That's crazy." (Season 1 episode Welcome Back, Momma)
      • Lana Wagner: Never say to a judge, "You can't do that." (Season 1 episode Welcome Back, Momma)
    • Mac Robinson
      • Mac Robinson: Was she mad? Picture what would happen if someone were to give Darth Vader a noogie. (Season 6 episode The Game Show)
      • Mac Robinson: I want those evil spirits put back in my TV! (Season 3 episode The Apartment)
    • Mac Robinson & Harry Stone
      • Mac Robinson: In case you forgot, I work in this building.
        Harry Stone: Sure, just like Clark works at the Daily Planet.
        (Season 7 episode Attack of the Mac Snacks)
      • Mac Robinson: Oh, Harry, getting older isnít all bad. My grandfather used to say, people like wine, get better with age.
        Harry Stone: Iím older than Spider-Man.
        Mac Robinson: Well, what about Superman?
        Harry Stone: Heís still in his thirties.
        Mac Robinson: Well, youíre younger than those people that found him.
        Harry Stone: The Kents? That old farm couple? Thatís supposed to make me feel better?
        (Season 7 episode Melvin and Harold)
    • Miriam Brody & Dan Fielding
      • Miriam Brody: Ever fool around at work?
        Dan Fielding: No. I mean, that is, not with another person.
        (Season 4 episode Author, Author)
    • Monty Potter
      • Monty Potter: Hey honey, if I wanted your help, Iíd drop my drawers. (Season 8 episode Itís Just a Joke)
    • Mr. Froufrou
      • Mr. Froufrou: Check me later and I'll show you why all the world loves a clown. (Season 1 episode Wonder Drugs)
      • Mr. Froufrou: I haven't worn underwear since the late sixties. (Season 1 episode Wonder Drugs)
    • Mrs. MacNulty
      • Mrs. MacNulty: Ravage me now, you prancing pony! (Season 4 episode The New Judge)
    • Mrs. Smith
      • Mrs. Smith: Don't knock it 'til you've tried it. (Season 4 episode A Day in the Life)
    • New Trekkie, Harry Stone & Old Trekkie
      • New Trekkie: You have no authority over us.
        Harry Stone: I beg your pardon?
        New Trekkie: We are governed by the laws of the Federation.
        Harry Stone: Is that so? Okay, thatís contempt, chuck-o. One day in the county jail.
        New Trekkie: Thatís what you think. Beam. Us. Up. [New Trekkies get beamed up]
        Old Trekkie: Oh, big deal. Can they do this? [Vulcan salute]
        (Season 6 episode Yet Another Day in the Life)
    • Old Trekkie, New Trekkie & Harry Stone
      • Old Trekkie: Captain Kirk would never have allowed androids on the bridge. Rules are rules.
        New Trekkie: Oh yeah? He didnít seem to have any trouble breaking the Prime Directive any time he felt like it.
        Old Trekkie: Go suck on a tribble!
        New Trekkie: Go sit on a phaser!
        Harry Stone: None of that language in my courtroom.
        (Season 6 episode Yet Another Day in the Life)
    • Quon Le Robinson
      • Quon Le Robinson: I feel the tortured souls of my ancestors crying out in agony! (Season 3 episode The Apartment)
    • Quon Li Robinson
      • Quon Li Robinson: My family says they are going to kill themselves. (Season 3 episode The Apartment)
      • Quon Li Robinson: My family would like to know if this a good time to slay themselves. (Season 3 episode The Apartment)
    • Roberta
      • Roberta: Give me a hundred bucks and I'll make your teeth sweat. (Season 3 episode Hello, Goodbye)
    • Roz Russell
      • Roz Russell: Nothing says lovin' like someone in the oven. (Season 4 episode Change to Baby Talk)
    • Santa Clause
      • Santa Clause: If I don't make it, tell Frosty goodbye. Just kidding. Get a doctor. (Season 1 episode Santa Goes Downtown)
    • Sascha Minkoff & Dan Fielding
      • Sascha Minkoff: You are a brute. I love brutes.
        Dan Fielding: Fine, wait here, Iíll see if Jabba the Huttís available.
        (Season 7 episode Auntie Maim)
    • Selma Hacker
      • Selma Hacker: Get as rough as you want boys, Iím numb.
      • Selma Hacker: Well, rope my feet and call me doggie. (Season 2 episode Bull Gets a Kid)
    • Tatiana & Dan Fielding
      • Tatiana: I'm Tatiana, princess of Kepua.
        Dan Fielding: Hi, I'm Dan. King of hanky panky.
        (Season 4 episode Prince of a Guy)
    • Tracy
      • Tracy: I get to carry the Consti-pi-tution. (Season 5 episode The Constitution Part 1)
    • Wendell & Dan Fielding
      • Wendell: I always heard money couldnít buy happiness.
        Dan Fielding: Thatís sick, Wendell.
        (Season 2 episode Nuts About Harry)
    • Why Is the Sky Blue? (Season 3 Episode Hurricane)
      • [1]~Because if it was green, we wouldnít know where to stop mowing. [2]~No one bothers to ask how it's feeling. [3]~t works, don't mess with it!
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