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 Exact order 
What started out as the ultimate compendium of fake businesses and products now contains many new categories that don't fit the original description... but we just can't bring ourselves to change the name.
Category Groups
Category Group Filter: PRODUCTS
Category Filter: PERSONAL CARE PRODUCTS

  • Personal Care Products
    • Abrasocaine
        • Fictional version of Solarcaine burn relief gel that Barris claims he can extract a gram of pure cocaine by spraying the aerosol into a balloon and quick-freezing it, causing the cocaine to rise to the surface, because they are lighter than the oils.
    • ALF Electric Toothbrush
        • Item for sale on the ALF Shopping Network, from the Season 2 DVD menus. "Featuring cat whisker bristles, new and pre-owned models available."
    • Anna Nicole Body Spray
        • Tom's girlfriend Mona-Lisa attacks Ann, covering her in glitter and Anna Nicole body spray. (Season 5 episode Swing Vote)
    • Aqua Vitae (skin cream)
        • Skin cream ad featuring Derek Zoolander from 1993. "Moo!"
    • Autumn Breeze
        • Presented by superhero Liberty. Vought feminine product. "Feel the liberty of freedom" (Season 2 episode The Big Ride)
    • Autumn Fizz Carbonated Douche
        • Feminine hygiene product commercial, for that fresh & clean feeling, (Ron Nessen / Patti Smith April 17, 1976)
    • Autumn's Eve Pumpkin Spice Douche
        • Feminine hygiene product from Autumn's Eve commercial parody featuring Kate McKinnon, Cecily Strong, Aidy Bryant and Vanessa Bayer. "From the makers of Summer's Eve comes Autumn's Eve Pumpkin Spice Douche - the first intimate care wash with all the bold, spicy flavors of fall. Because nothing says clean like warm, gooey pumpkin and hot, itchy cinnamon."
    • Baby Powder
        • Generic product in Homer's medicine cabinet. (Season 2 episode Simpson and Delilah) Generic baby powder product that Maggie uses in anticipation of seeing a certain boy at the park. "98% Asbestos Free" (Maggie Simpson in Playdate with Destiny)
    • Bassim Oil
        • Zhaan finds her missing Bassim Oil in Chiana's chamber. (Season 1 episode A Human Reaction)
    • Bathroom Buddy
        • Billy's dad invention that he tries to sell to the old Chinese guy, a multi-purpose bathroom tool, kind of like a big Swiss Army knife.
    • Beard-o-matic
        • Product in development by Hilltech Industries, a high tech hillbilly company featured on TV news show American Profiles (Episode A Few Good Scouts)
    • Beatles Shampoo
        • Beatles branded product in Ned Flanders' secret Beatles memorabilia room. "Keeps hair fresh & clean" (Season 14 episode The Bart of War)
    • Bender Brand French Mill Bathroom Soap
        • Episode Raging Bender. Bender becomes an Ultimate Robot Fighter and gets a little carried away with product merchandising.
    • Better Heart
        • Better Future product implanted in Lola without her consent that comes with an EMP device.
    • Better Spleen 2
        • Potential product that Cassandra brainstorms when she offers Charlie his new role - It's the same, only it can check your email.
    • Betty's Bees Anti-Aging Cream
        • A honey-based product made by Betty's Bees from Season 2 Episode 1 Bzzzzzzzzz! Now with more honey!
    • Betty's Bees Lip Balm
        • A honey-based product made by Betty's Bees from Season 2 Episode 1 Bzzzzzzzzz! Now with more honey!
    • Betty's Bees Moisturizer
        • A honey-based product made by Betty's Bees from Season 2 Episode 1 Bzzzzzzzzz! Now with more honey!
    • Betty's Bees Soap
        • A honey-based product made by Betty's Bees from Season 2 Episode 1 Bzzzzzzzzz! Now with more honey!
    • Blue & White Dandruff Shampoo
        • Product from mock dandruff shampoo commercial. Caution: Use of this product may result in decreased sense of humor. Manufacturer is not responsible for loss of friends. (Episode Sarah Jessica Parker)
    • Blue Dye #52
        • After finding out that Marge dyes her hair in Homer's marriage class, Apu informs Marge there's a sale on Blue Dye #52. Moe corrects him, says she uses Blue Dye #56. (Season 5 episode Secrets of a Successful Marriage)
    • Blue Dye #56
        • After finding out that Marge dyes her hair in Homer's marriage class, Apu informs Marge there's a sale on Blue Dye #52. Moe corrects him, says she uses Blue Dye #56. (Season 5 episode Secrets of a Successful Marriage)
    • Bumble And Bumble Hair Care Products
        • Tom goes to Eagleton every eight days to buy hair care products. (Season 3 episode Eagleton)
    • Burn-Me-Not
        • Dr. Dorfman advises Carol on sunscreen products. The pharmacy was all out of Hellfire Sunburn Cream, but she buys the ret of the options that Dr. Dorfman recommends: Scorch-No, Burn-Me-Not and Zemeltrickselfeen for redheads. (Season 3 episode Serve for Daylight)
    • Calamine Lotion
        • Generic calamine lotion that Dr. Hibbert gives Marge for Maggie's chicken pox. (Season 17 episode Milhouse of Sand and Fog)
    • Cank Be Gone New record added 10/3/2021
        • Charlie buys Cank Be Gone from Russel for Chelsea when she’s sick. (Season 6 episode My Son’s Enormous Head)
    • Caribbean Drano
        • Episode Parasites Lost. A homemade laxative of Hermes - also known as Hermes Jerk Prunes.
    • Chameleon Flesh Colored Toilet Tissue
        • Flesh colored to conceal nicks from shaving (Steve Martin's All Commercials TV special)
    • Cherokee Hair Tampons
        • The whole town becomes enamored with Miss Information's remedies and buys such nostrums as "Cherokee hair tampons" from two supposed Native Americans (played by Cheech and Chong) who share her store. (Season 4 episode Cherokee Hair Tampons)
    • Christmas' Eve Douche Peppermint Douche
        • Feminine hygiene product from Autumn's Eve commercial parody featuring Kate McKinnon, Cecily Strong, Aidy Bryant and Vanessa Bayer.
    • Cinnamon Sable Hair Color
        • Shade of hair color that Daphne suggests for Martin… Daphne: "Well, there's always your hair. I know it's not exactly your style, but there's nothing wrong with covering up that gray I know just the right shade for you: cinnamon sable." (Season 5 episode The Life of the Party)
    • Clip Master New record added 10/7/2021
        • Bob’s nail clippers, which the Peeper claims are his that he lent him years ago, and that the initials C.M. stand for Cliff Murdock. (Season 5 episode The Slammer)
    • Conditioner
        • 
Generic conditioner sold at Kwik-E-Mart. Apu reads the label to compliment Manjula. (Season 11 episode Eight Misbehavin')
    • Cream of Hypicate
        • While Quark and Rom's mother Ishka, also known as Moogie, waits to be rescued, she educates the Vorta Yelgrun about the versatility of hypicate root and how it is used in certain medicines, diffractive optics, and even some beauty supplies such as cream of hypicate. (Season 6 episode The Magnificent Ferengi)
        • Quark mentions. Hypicate cream for smooth skin and healthier profits. (Season 6 episode Profit and Lace)
    • Cresk Toothpaste
        • Pharmacist (John Belushi) recommends Cresk toothpaste for housewife's (Gilda Radner) dead son. (Dyan Cannon with musical guest Leon and Mary Russell - May 15, 1976)
    • Dharma Initiative Body Wash
        • Dharma branded personal care product. (episode Live Together, Die Alone, Part 2)
    • Dharma Initiative Deodorant
        • Dharma branded personal care product. (episode Live Together, Die Alone, Part 2)
    • Dharma Initiative Hair Spray
        • Dharma branded personal care product. (episode Further Instructions)
    • Dharma Initiative Petroleum Jelly
        • Dharma branded personal care product. (episode Live Together, Die Alone, Part 2)
    • Dharma Initiative Shampoo
        • Dharma branded personal care product. (episodes Everybody Hates Hugo, A Tale of Two Cities)
    • Dharma Initiative Shaving Cream
        • Dharma branded personal care product. (episode Live Together, Die Alone, Part 2)
    • Dharma Initiative Soap
        • Dharma branded personal care product. (episode A Tale of Two Cities)
    • Dharma Initiative Toilet Paper
        • Dharma branded personal care product. (episode Enter 77)
    • Dry Guy Deodorant
        • Charlie wrote the jingle for Dry Guy Deodorant.
        • Charlie incorporates his jingle into Jake's class recital. (Season 1 episode Twenty-five Little Pre-pubers without a Snootful)
    • Easy Out Enema
        • Product that Homer buys at the Li'l Valu-Mart in Little Pwagmattasquarmsettport. (Season 7 episode Summer of 4 Ft. 2)

    • Espresso
        • A dark chocolate silk-infused hair conditioner, a product Max asks Big Jim to obtain for her in episode Let the Games Begin.
    • Essence Of Qualactin
        • Space suntan oil. Narrator: "Two months later, Zipo Bibrok 5 / 108 had cut the bottoms off his Galactic State jeans, and was spending part of the enormous fee his judgments commanded lying on a jewelled beach having Essence of Qualactin rubbed into his back by the same rather nice member of the jury. She was a Soolfinian girl from beyond the Cloudworlds of Yaga."
    • EZ Absolute Hair Bleach
        • Connie dyes his hair at the black family's house.
    • Fat Off Reducing Method
        • Episode Fred Flinstone- Before and After. Fred's appearance in a Fat Off Reducing Method commercial leads to his joining Food Anonymous.
    • Fire in the Hole
        • Rose tells Charlie that his jingle for Fire in the Hole hemorrhoid cream was some of his best work. (Season 4 episode The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer)
    • Foggy Mountain Soap
        • Episode Foggy Mountain Soap. Recognizing the homespun sincerity of Jed and Granny, an advertising man persuades them to appear in a television soap commercial.
    • Fountain Of Truth Beauty Cream
        • Beauty cream product, part of the new Flow Naturalle product line that Judith is selling. "So light and fluffy on the face."
    • GalClear
        • Feminine product by Vought, the package in which Starlight hides Gecko's stolen Compound V. (Season 2 episode Proper Preparation and Planning)
    • Garelli
        • Mr. James' Italian line of feminine hygiene products. (Season 5 episode Ploy)
    • Gee, Your Lip Looks Hairless
        • Lip wax Marge uses on Patty before her big date with Principal Skinner. (Season 2 episode Principal Charming)
    • Genuine Hair Comb
        • Comb that Snake buys at Kwik-E-Mart, after testing it out with Nacho Cheez. Good lines, nice balance. (Season 10 episode Treehouse of Horror IX - segment Hell Toupée)
    • Golden Girl Shampoo
        • David illustrated several ads for Golden Girl Shampoo - the one where the girl is standing stride her bike, the one where she's playing frisbee on the beach, the one where she's standing on the balcony of her apartment with a drink in her hand. (story The Mist)
    • Grease
        • Hair product advertised in the Fight Club press kit. $10. Manage your hair with the natural solution - grease. Now in colors - hazard, buttermilk, antifreeze & bunny.
    • Grubby Guy
        • Sheriff Carter's brand of body wash (Season 3 episode I Do Over)
    • Hadley & Wyche
        • Spokesman: Hedley & Wyche, is the toothpaste that makes brushing a pleasure. That's because its mild cleaning agent is enhanced by two teaspoons of pure cane sugar, for a smile that says "Yum, that was good!"
    • Hair-do-well
        • Spray-on hair. Fast-acting. Popular in Europe. Pending FDA Approval. From mock infomercial for album 2.0.
    • HairShell Hairspray
        • Through her big cheesy smile, Evie says, "How exactly did your brother get mutilated?" You can only hold a real smile for so long, after that it's just teeth. The art director steps up with his little foam applicator and retouches where the bronzer is streaked on my butt cheeks.
          "It was a hairspray can somebody threw away in our family's burning barrel," I say. "He was burning the trash and it exploded."
          And Evie says, "Somebody?"
          And I say, "You'd think it was my mom, the way she screamed and tried to stop him bleeding."
          And the photographer says, "Girls, can you go up on your toes just a little?"
          Evie goes, "A big thirty-two-ounce can of HairShell hairspray? I bet it peeled half his face off."
    • Halo
        • Healthcare/Medical product Alec creates in season 3. First introduced as concept episode Wasted Minute. Apparently Alec created it in the future and now he's trying to do it without the required technology, at least until he takes the CMR out of the body of dead Kiera. It’s like a health monitor but it’s so much more than that. You wear it on your wrist and it can tell you everything. "Your health and lifestyle oracle"
        • TV commercial for Halo product seen in episode 3 Minutes to Midnight.
    • Hansen's Mustache Wax
        • Abe and Bart listen to The Itchy and Scratchy Radio Hour on the car radio, presented by Hansen's Mustache Wax. "The mustache wax Hitler doesn't use." (Season 13 episode The Old Man and the Key)
    • Headlight TIT
        • Breast implant product offered by company called Bottoms Up as part of its "2 for 1" sale, as advertised on channel 63.
    • Hellfire Sunburn Cream
        • Dr. Dorfman advises Carol on sunscreen products. The pharmacy was all out of Hellfire Sunburn Cream, but she buys the ret of the options that Dr. Dorfman recommends: Scorch-No, Burn-Me-Not and Zemeltrickselfeen for redheads. (Season 3 episode Serve for Daylight)
    • Hermes Jerk Prunes
        • Episode Parasites Lost. A homemade laxative of Hermes - also known as Caribbean Drano.
    • House Of Atoz Youth Milk
        • "Do you ever get that feeling when you see beautiful teenager girl with perfect skin and you want to kill her and take her skin and put it on your skin? We bottled that feeling."
    • Just Like a Woman
        • Rose tells Charlie that his jingle for Just Like a Woman natural douche was some of his best work. (Season 4 episode The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer)
    • Juvederm
        • Product that new resident John Wheaton mentions, that he put on his face the night before he died. (Season 4 episode The Girl from Arizona, Part 1)
    • Kolaish Spice Oil
        • Kira mentions that Shakaar took her to her favorite restaurant in Jalanda City, poured her glass after glass of spring wine, then took her to his home and gave her a massage with Kolaish spice oil. (Season 4 episode Return to Grace)
    • KramNors Miracle Restorer
        • Get rich quick scheme that Ralph and Norton come up with after Ralph is scammed with a similar product. (episode Hair-Raising Tale)
    • Lady Baldy
        • An electronic device for women used to pull leg hairs out by the root that Rebecca goes on TV to complain about (Season 8 episode 23 The Ghost and Mrs. Lebec)
    • The Lady Krusty Mustache Removal System
        • Krusty the Clown merchandise, part of the Lady Krusty line. (Season 6 episode Homie the Clown)
    • Lipo-Lad
        • Drown the pounds. Fight the flub. Crucify the calories. From mock infomercial for album 2.0.
    • Liquid Moan Body Spray
        • Body spray Jake intends to purchase at the Food Mini Mart before running out when his and Captain Holt's mugshots pop up on the news on the TV. (Season 4 episode Coral Palms)
    • Lucky Lindy's All-Purpose Pomade
        • Abe Simpson's hair cream he pulls out to get ready for his date with Beatrice Simmons. "You'll never fly solo again!" (Season 2 episode Old Money)
    • The Lung Brush
        • Used every night by heavy smoker Chris Farley to remove quarts of tar from his lungs before going to bed with wife Victoria Jackson (Did you forget to brush?)
    • Maggie Beckett Silk-touch Leg Razor
        • Product advertised on the world where Maggie's counterpart was a famous astronaut. (Season 5 episode The Return of Maggie Beckett)
    • Martin Sheen Hairspray
        • Actress Jane Curtin uses Martin Sheen's saliva as her take-charge hairspray of choice. (Martin Sheen 12/22/79)
    • McShave's Aftershave
        • Brand of Aftershave Mr. Goldenfold gets from the Devil's Needful Things store that makes him irresistible to women, but impotent, at least until Rick fixes it by removing the curse (Season 1 episode Something Ricked This Way Comes)
    • McShoe's Aftershave
        • Makes a man quite irresistible to women but also makes the man impotent (episode 1-9 Something Ricked This Way Comes)
    • Mermaiden Skin Cream
        • The connection between The Doll Maker's victims in season 2.
    • Mister Sunshine
        • Tanning product. Solar-Powered. Multiple Settings. Prevents Scratching. From mock infomercial for album 2.0.
    • Mr. Herpes
        • Rose tells Charlie that his jingle for Mr. Herpes lip balm was some of his best work. (Season 4 episode The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer)
    • Muzzle in a Can
        • Product Homer sprays on his face because "Marge likes a little bit of subtle". (Season 14 episode Three Gays of the Condo)
    • Oil of Oh Yeah
        • Oil that Dr. Hibbert uses for his Strip for your Wife class at the Springfield Extension School. (Season 14 episode C.E. D'oh)
    • Optique Lenses
        • Billboard off Los Feliz right near the Bigfoot featuring a friend of Sam's. Slogan: "I can see clearly now"
    • Panty-shields
        • Generic feminine hygiene product that Homer buys at the Li'l Valu-Mart in Little Pwagmattasquarmsettport. (Season 7 episode Summer of 4 Ft. 2)
    • Pearlies For Girlies
        • Tom's favorite teeth whitening strips. It's unisex, the cartoon princess on the label says so. (Season 6 episode The Wall)
    • Petroleum Jelly
        • Generic product Lisa spreads on her teeth before going out on stage at the Little Miss Springfield Beauty Pageant. (Season 4 Lisa the Beauty Queen)
    • Pick-o-matic 2000
        • "Fully automatic solar powered foot picker." Product in development by Hilltech Industries, a high tech hillbilly company featured on TV news show American Profiles (Episode A Few Good Scouts)
    • Pit Bomb
        • Antiperspirant product whose performance is compared to military weapons such as Napalm and Agent Orange. "Napalm for your skin", "Fighting the war against perspiration"
    • Prospect Foods Gentle Cotton Swabs
        • Prospect Properties provides Tom and Gemma with food drops - cardboard boxes full of Prospect Foods branded products.

    • Prospect Foods Soap
        • Prospect Properties provides Tom and Gemma with food drops - cardboard boxes full of Prospect Foods branded products.

    • Prospect Foods Toothpaste
        • Prospect Properties provides Tom and Gemma with food drops - cardboard boxes full of Prospect Foods branded products.

    • Protect Care Anti-fungal Spray
        • Spy gadget - can freeze and disable any security system. Also pepper spray.
    • PsychoPath
        • Sports shampoo with salon grade microprotein packed in a manly black injection-molded plastic motor oil canister.
    • RegeneX
        • Also known as ReCell, RegenX-E, Regenx, Nectar. The youth-giving substance created from humans reaped from planets during harvest process. Produced by Abrasax Industries.
    • Rosy Palms Lotion
        • Kessler is masturbating to what appears to be superhero porn with Sneezex Tissue and Rosy Palms Lotion when Butcher comes looking for him.
    • Rovco Puberty Helper
        • Just one single application is enough to cover a full five years of agony. Avoid potentially damaging adolescent trauma. Look neat, feel sharp through what psychiatrists term the "insecurity-prone years.” Guaranteed to work or your money back. (Jodie Foster - 11/27/76)
    • Scorch-No
        • Dr. Dorfman advises Carol on sunscreen products. The pharmacy was all out of Hellfire Sunburn Cream, but she buys the ret of the options that Dr. Dorfman recommends: Scorch-No, Burn-Me-Not and Zemeltrickselfeen for redheads. (Season 3 episode Serve for Daylight)
    • Shiner-Be-Gone: Irish Strength
        • Product Marge uses to get rid of the black eye from her fight with her old friend from high school Chloe Talbot. (Season 16 episode She Use to be My Girl)
    • Shopwell's Freshlicious
        • Store brand country fresh douche product sold at Shopwell's, visible in the MILF's shopping cart.
    • Sneezex Tissue
        • Kessler is masturbating to what appears to be superhero porn with Sneezex Tissue and Rosy Palms Lotion when Butcher comes looking for him.
    • Sodium Fluoride
        • Generic toothpaste stolen that the oil company worker's widow steals in from of Wade. (Season 3 episode The Fire Within)
    • Spaceballs: The Shaving Cream
        • Spaceballs branded product - shaving cream in the bathroom on Spaceball I.
    • Spaceballs: The Toilet Paper
        • Spaceballs merchandise - Spaceballs branded toilet paper.
    • Sparkle Skin, By Annie
        • Tom experiments with some new entrepreneurial ideas by putting glitter in Ann's moisturizers and lotions. (Season 5 episode Ms. Knope Goes to Washington)
    • St. Paddy's Eve Shamrock Douche
        • Feminine hygiene product from Autumn's Eve commercial parody featuring Kate McKinnon, Cecily Strong, Aidy Bryant and Vanessa Bayer.
    • Steve Martin's All Natural Penis Beauty Cream - New Formula
        • Penis cream Steve Martin sells on Season 20: Episode 1. "In a matter of weeks, your penis will be looking smoother and softer, the way women like it." You know it's safe, because it's tested on animals. "1-800-555-WANQ"
    • Stick-um Tight
        • Toupee glue brand that the black widow killer uses to kill her new car dealer husbands (Season 2 episode Death of a Few Salesmen)
    • Sun Block 5000
        • A product to protect against the sun's UV rays. Protection for the new age. Surgeon General's Warning: Frequent use will cause Skin Cancer. They say 20 seconds in the California sunshine is too much these days ever since we lost the ozone layer. But that was before Sun Block 5000. Just apply a pint to your body and you're good for hours. See you by the pool.
    • Sun 'n' Run
        • Product featured on TV infomercial I Can't Believe They Invented It! The suntan lotion that's also a laxative, invented by Dr. Nick. (Season 4 episode Marge in Chains)
    • Super Inflatable TIT
        • Breast implant product offered by company called Bottoms Up as part of its "2 for 1" sale, as advertised on channel 63.
    • Superlip
        • Superlip eliminates peach fuzz and feminine whiskers. Superlip digs deep down into the hair follicles instead of just lopping it off at the surface.
    • T.J.'s Moustache Wax
        • Grooming product available for a million "Pooter points" at T.J. O'Pootertoot's, a restaurant that secretly serves human meat with crazy names, founded by a member of the Donner party. (Episode A Few Good Scouts)
    • Talking Tissue
        • Tom's new business venture. Every time you pull one out, you get a little message to hype you up. Example: Blow that nose, playa! (Season 6 episode Second Chunce)
    • Tanning Butter
        • Moisturizer that Leela uses when the Planet Express crew goes to Monument Beach. (episode When Aliens Attack)
    • Tender Flushable Moist Hemorrhoid Wipes
        • Spy gadget - each wipe filled with chloroform.
    • Toe Floss
        • Harry meets a suicidal man, a failed inventor, when he prepares to perform his outrageous stunt. Gus mentions several of his failed inventions, including The Pocket Aquarium, Toe Floss and The Home Root Canal Kit. (Season 5 episode Her Honor Part 4)
    • Toilet Paper
        • When Charlie runs out of money, he's forced to buy generic products in bulk, including Toilet Paper, Cheese, Vodka and Orange Drink Mix - which he uses to make a screwdriver for Evelyn. (Season 1 episode I Can't Afford Hyenas)
    • Toothpaste
        • Generic toothpaste product from opening dance sequence (Steve Martin's All Commercials TV special)
    • Triple-Trac Shaver
        • Gullible people will appreciate the Triple-Trac shaver's tricky bladework. (George Carlin / Janis Ian, Billy Preston - October 11, 1975)
    • TruVivid Blush & Shine
        • Charlotte dances around to a makeup commercial. "With invisible blending for superior finish". (Season 1 episode Talking Hurts)
    • Turlington's Lower Back Tattoo Remover
        • There's a serious problem afflicting a generation of women. It's a problem that will only get worse with age... Really cool lower-back tattoos.
    • Turnpike Body Spray
        • Body spray Jake intends to purchase at the Food Mini Mart before running out when his and Captain Holt's mugshots pop up on the news on the TV. (Season 4 episode Coral Palms)
    • Ubik Breath Spray
        • Could it be that I have bad breath, Tom? Well, Ed, if you're worried about that, try today's new Ubik, with powerful germicidal foaming action, guaranteed safe when taken as directed.
    • Ubik Deodorant
        • Has perspiration odor taken you out of the swim? Ten-day Ubik deodorant spray or Ubik roll-on ends worry of offending, brings you back where the happening is. Safe when used as directed in a conscientious program of body hygiene.
    • Ubik Hair Conditioner
        • My hair is so dry, so unmanageable. What's a girl to do? Simply rub in creamy Ubik hair conditioner. In just five days you'll discover new body in your hair, new glossiness. And Ubik hairspray, used as directed, is absolutely safe.
    • Ubik Hair Spray
        • My hair is so dry, so unmanageable. What's a girl to do? Simply rub in creamy Ubik hair conditioner. In just five days you'll discover new body in your hair, new glossiness. And Ubik hairspray, used as directed, is absolutely safe.
    • Ubik Razor
        • We wanted to give you a shave like no other you ever had. We said, It's about time a man's face got a little loving. We said, With Ubik's self-winding Swiss chromium neverending blade, the days of scrape-scrape are over. So try Ubik. And be loved. Warning: use only as directed. And with caution.
    • Underpinnings Incorporated
        • Adult diaper product Catherine did commercial for (Season 3 episode Office Feud)
    • Waxine
        • Leg waxing gel that Monica orders after seeing an infomercial that's supposed to be pain-free. Made from organic substances recently discovered in the rain forest. (Season 3 episode The One the Morning After)
    • You Know
        • A feminine product: "The one product for everything that's wrong with women" (Steve Martin's All Commercials TV special)
    • Zemeltrickselfeen
        • Dr. Dorfman advises Carol on sunscreen products. The pharmacy was all out of Hellfire Sunburn Cream, but she buys the ret of the options that Dr. Dorfman recommends: Scorch-No, Burn-Me-Not and Zemeltrickselfeen for redheads. (Season 3 episode Serve for Daylight)

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