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What started out as the ultimate compendium of fake businesses and products now contains many new categories that don't fit the original description... but we just can't bring ourselves to change the name.
Category Groups
Category Group Filter: SERVICES
Category Filter: DATING, ESCORT AND SEX SERVICES

  • Dating, Escort and Sex Services
    • 1-900-SLUT-GIRL
        • Phone number Rygel mentions when Crichton's nephew Bobby Coleman asks him what he likes about Earth on the documentary TV show Alien Visitation. (Season 4 episode A Constellation of Doubt)
    • 1-909-SEX-CHAT
        • Party line that Krusty calls, advertised as having beautiful women, but there are only guys, including Abu. (Season 3 episode Like Father, Like Clown)
    • 555 P-R-T-Y
        • The best party line in Boston (Season 7 episode 7 How to Win Friends and Electrocute People)
    • 976-PIGG
        • "Now Earl's got a son and they call him Earl Junior, which I think is pretty clever since he is Earl's son. He's not really a normal boy, ever since that tractor accident… Anyway, he ran up $5,000 worth of 976 phone bills. He called weird, unnatural numbers like 976-PIGG with two G's, And 976-SHEEP, which has five letters in it - I know he's a sick boy…" (song Cousin Earl)
    • 976-SHEEP
        • "Now Earl's got a son and they call him Earl Junior, which I think is pretty clever since he is Earl's son. He's not really a normal boy, ever since that tractor accident… Anyway, he ran up $5,000 worth of 976 phone bills. He called weird, unnatural numbers like 976-PIGG with two G's, And 976-SHEEP, which has five letters in it - I know he's a sick boy…" (song: Cousin Earl)
    • Amazon Escorts
        • Leonard hires an escort to come to his motel room and act like his wife - set her things around the room, then lie down, wait until he falls asleep, then get up and go to the bathroom, slamming the door loud enough to wake him up.
    • Apollo 69
        • Brothel advertised on the Community Directory in the Mons camp in the new future. (Season 2 episode The i of the Tiger)
    • Ass Giant
        • Misc. sex service advertised on the Community Directory in the Mons camp in the new future. (Season 2 episode The i of the Tiger)
    • Bender's Computer Dating Service
        • "Discreet and Discrete", referencing the field of discrete mathematics. (episode Put Your Head on My Shoulders)
    • Big Bang
        • Brothel advertised on the Community Directory in the Mons camp in the new future. (Season 2 episode The i of the Tiger)
    • The Blue Limit
        • Premium escort service and human trafficking operation (Episode 15 Undercover!)
    • Boys Are Us Escort Service
        • Dan takes a second job as a male companion. (Season 3 episode Dan's Escort)
    • Bumper to Humper
        • Business idea that Charlie comes up with while commuting to work with Alan - selling sex during traffic jams. He also considers calling it Speed humps and Jiffy lube - but remembers that one's taken. (Season 3 episode Principal Gallagher’s Lesbian Lover)
    • Camp White Swallow
        • A bathhouse where homosexual men engage in casual sex. (Season 5 episode Butters' Very Own Episode)
    • Castlemont Glasshouse
        • A house of glass… Glass all around them. Glass walls and ceilings and floors. The bed, glass fiber. The chairs and tables, glass. The building was one vast transparent globe, shot periodically with colored lights. Each room was equipped to illumine itself at irregular intervals, but it was impossible to determine just when a room would flare into brightness. Caught in the act of lovemaking, a couple would suddenly find themselves tangled in a wash of silver, or gold, or red, yellow or green. Other couples, around, above and below, would be able to watch them from glass floors, walls, ceilings. Then the light would die—to spring on in another chamber.
    • Chick Planet Massage
        • Please take note of today's Pussy Eater's Special, which is good all day till closing time. Pussy menu: Blow Job $14.95. Pussy Feast $14.95. Old Fashioned Fuck $24.95. 2 Girl Fuck $48.95.
    • The City Palace Of Mating
        • And we take no heed of the law which says that men may not think of women, save at the Time of Mating. This is the time each spring when all the men older than twenty and all the women older than eighteen are sent for one night to the City Palace of Mating. And each of the men have one of the women assigned to them by the Council of Eugenics. Children are born each winter, but women never see their children and children never know their parents. Twice have we been sent to the Palace of Mating, but it is an ugly and shameful matter, of which we do not like to think.
    • Club Blast Off
        • Brothel advertised on the Community Directory in the Mons camp in the new future. (Season 2 episode The i of the Tiger)
    • Commercial Actors Mingle
        • Dating website from video for Please Use This Song.
    • Crazy Bruno's Ho-Sale Ho-House Wharehouse!
        • Dutch whorehouse commercial during the lost episode of Spectrum (Season 1 episode 13 Too Much Closure for Comfort)
    • Emily’s Elite and Discreet Introductions
        • Service Walden hires to meet a rich girl. (Season 10 episode Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries)
    • Executive Match
        • What Niles thinks is an Introduction Network for busy professionals turns out to be an escort service (Season 7 episode Father of the Bride)
    • Faye's
        • New Whorehouse in Salinas with a player piano where Kate goes to work after shooting Adam in the shoulder.
    • The Fountain Of Youth
        • The hand job joint in where Hansel used to work in SoHo.
    • The Fuck Shop
        • I know a place just down there two streets - Baby, they'll ask you no questions and give you clean sheets!
    • Garden Of Eden
        • Warehouse where Daniel and the guys take Victor when they kidnap him.
    • The Garden Of Eden (bathhouse)
        • The turkish bathhouse Derek used to work at in Tribeca.
    • Girthquake
        • Stripper, dancer and gigolo that the guys hire to have sex with Alice. (Season 4 episode Fry Guys)
    • Guarantee Trust Matrimonial Agency
        • Watson had decided to get married at age 32.5 and to obtain his wife from the Guarantee Trust Matrimonial Agency, an organization with impeccable credentials.
    • Hottie House New record added 1/10/2022
        • Whorehouse in Mega-City One.
    • House Madrassa
        • A Companion's Guild training house on Sihnon where Inara and Nandi studied.(episode Heart of Gold)
    • Intimate Fantasies
        • The girls hire strippers Tito and Raoul, which Kevin mistakes for kidnappers and beats the crap out of them.
    • Jennie's Exotic Massage
        • Business next door to the AC/DC Love Boutique in the red light district of Little Italy in Washington D.C. where Frank goes looking for Hector Savage.
    • JewHunks.com
        • Fake dating website Rachel makes up when she's trying to convince her boss that she's on a date, not a job interview when it turns out he's sitting at the next table. (Season 10 episode The One With Princess Consuela)
    • The Leather Castle
        • Chicago's finest dominants and submissives. Fully equipped dungeons. Beginners welcome.
    • Looks Like We're In For Nasty Leathera
        • Store next door in Season 7 episode Ain't Miss Debatin'. Tribute to the Creedence Clearwater Revival song Bad Moon Rising.
    • Low Expectations Dating Service
        • Dating service Selma uses after deciding she wants a baby. (Season 4 episode Selma's Choice)
    • Mom's
        • Original business in the building Cheers is in - according to Woody, "Mom was an aging ex-fan dancer who provided free room and board to attractive, newly arriving immigrant groups" (Season 8 episode 6 The Stork Brings a Crane)
    • Mr. Happiness
        • Watson had his potential future wife Elaine checked out by Discretion, Inc., and found her to be eminently suitable. He hired Mr. Happiness, the well-known go-between, to propose for him and make the usual arrangement.
    • nappster.com
        • In the future you can download an actual celebrity from the internet. Frye downloads Lucy Liu.
    • The Night Boys
        • Boyle comes up with the name The Night Boys for him and Jake when they start the night shift. Jake jokes that it sounds like a male escort service. Boyle's additional options include The Midnight Men and The Dark Stallions. (Season 4 episode The Night Shift)
    • The O-Zone
        • Brothel advertised on the Community Directory in the Mons camp in the new future. (Season 2 episode The i of the Tiger)
    • Orion's Belts
        • Misc. sex service advertised on the Community Directory in the Mons camp in the new future. (Season 2 episode The i of the Tiger)
    • Planets Only
        • Service that connects living planets with other entities that want to fuck them. "Entire systems of steamy lush globes and barely habitable celestial objects are drifting through the void just for you." (Season 4 episode Childrick of Mort)
    • Pleasure Chamber
        • Location in Mrs. Pancakes' dream in episode Lawnmower Dog. Sexual hang-ups are punishable by death. (Season 1 episode Lawnmower Dog)
    • Pluto's Retreat
        • Misc. sex service advertised on the Community Directory in the Mons camp in the new future. (Season 2 episode The i of the Tiger)
    • The Rectum
        • The Rectum is the name of the gay sex club where Alex's boyfriend goes to look for the man who raped her - The Tenia.
    • The Romance Connection
        • Video dating service the gang all utilizes in Season 3 episode Four Dates that Will Live in Infamy.
    • The Secret Planet
        • Brothel advertised on the Community Directory in the Mons camp in the new future. (Season 2 episode The i of the Tiger)
    • Shooting Star Escorts
        • Do you want a blow-job from the supporting actress Academy Award nominee from last year? Call Shooting Star. Or do you want to do it with girlfriend of the lead in the biggest sitcom? Call Shooting Star.
    • The Silky Way
        • Misc. sex service advertised on the Community Directory in the Mons camp in the new future. (Season 2 episode The i of the Tiger)
    • Singles Mingle
        • Singles event the whole gang attends. "A magical night that could change your life forever." (Season 8 episode Single and Hating It)
    • Sluts R Us
        • Fake store from Rachel's joke, insulting the clerk at the baby store that hits on Ross. (Season 8 episode The One With the Cooking Class)
    • Spunknik
        • Misc. sex service advertised on the Community Directory in the Mons camp in the new future. (Season 2 episode The i of the Tiger)
    • Sri Lanka Sex Hotel
        • "3-D Jesus by my bedside, Talks to me when it's late at night, I thought I left you in Sri Lanka, Working the desk at the Sex Hotel, For Christ's sake why isn't Bob Hope dead yet?" (song:Sri Lanka Sex Hotel)
    • SuaveSingles.com
        • Alan gets into online dating. First SuaveSingles.com, then JDate - a Jewish dating site. (Season 7 Captain Terry’s Spray-On Hair)
    • Sultan's Harem
        • Kilgore Trout took a leak in the men's room of the New York City movie house. There was a sign on the wall next to the roller towel. It advertised a massage parlor called The Sultan's Harem. Massage parlors were something new and exciting in New York. Men could go in there and photograph naked women, or they could paint the women's naked bodies with water-soluble paints. Men could be rubbed all over by a woman until their penises squirted jism into Turkish towels.
    • Sweaty Roger's Pants Tent
        • Business Ben stumbles across online when looking for a tent rental place not owned by the same corrupt tent kingpin that owns all the tent rental services in town. (Season 6 episode Galentine's Day)
    • Taddi Mason LLC
        • Phone number you can call to have a friend named Taddi Mason (Season 2 episode 9 Look Who's Purging Now). Only $1.99 a minute to talk.
    • U-SAVE Strippers
        • Stripper service that Moe finds in the yellow pages, to order a stripper for Principal Skinner's bachelor party. "If we send your daughter... IT'S FREE!" (Season 15 My Big Fat Geek Wedding)

    • Upgrayedd
        • Pimp. Spells his name with two D's for a double dose of his pimping.
    • Venus Pleasure Garden And Massage Parlor
        • Where Gloria runs into Stanley for the second time. "All fantasies! Harem bath!"
    • Video Matchmaking
        • Dating service that Homer signs Ned up for after Maude's untimely death, featuring a one-nighters bin. "Yes we do have desperate immigrants" (Season 11 episode Alone Again, Natura-Diddly)
    • The Voyagers Club
        • Brothel advertised on the Community Directory in the Mons camp in the new future. (Season 2 episode The i of the Tiger)
    • Wanda's Whip Emporium
        • Business card that Dan carries around. (Season 4 episode The Next Voice You Hear...)

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