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MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL (45) 1975 Film
  • Books-Nonfiction
    • Book Of Armaments
      • Armaments, chapter two, verses 9 through 21... And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.'
  • Natural Areas
    • Caerbannog
      • Home of the Rabbit of Caerbannog, an immensley cute but bloodthirsty rabbit-like monster.
    • Gorge of Eternal Peril
      • That's where you go if you get a question wrong on the Bridge of Death.
  • Quotes
    • The Black Knight
      • The Black Knight: You yellow bastard! Come back here and take what's coming to you!!
      • The Black Knight: It's just a scratch. I've had worse.
      • The Black Knight: Chicken! Look, I'll have your leg. Right!
      • The Black Knight: I'll bite your legs off!!
    • Bridgekeeper
      • Bridgekeeper: What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
    • Cave Man
      • Cave Man: Behold the cave of Caerbannog!
    • Cleric
      • Cleric: And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."
    • Dennis
      • Dennis: Oh, king, eh, very nice. And how'd you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. If there's ever going to be any progress...
      • Dennis: Help! Help! I'm being repressed! Come see the violence inherent in the system! Violence inherent in the system!
      • Dennis: Oh but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!
      • Dennis: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system!
      • Dennis: Oh, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!
      • Dennis: Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government.
    • French Soldier
      • French Soldier: I wave my private parts at your aunties!!!
      • French Soldier: You don't frighten us, English pig dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person! I blow my nose at you, so-called 'Arthur King,' you and all your silly English Knights.
      • French Soldier: 'Allo, daffy English kniggets and Monsieur Arthur-King, who has the brain of a duck, you know!
      • French Soldier: You cheesy lot of second hand electric donkey bottom biters!
      • French Soldier: Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.
      • French Soldier: You tiny brained wipers of other people's bottoms!
      • French Soldier: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
      • French Soldier: And now, remain gone illegitimate-faced buggerfolk! And, if you think you got nasty taunting this time, you ain't heard nothing yet! Daffy English kniggets!
      • French Soldier: Ah, this one is for your mother!!
    • King Arthur
      • King Arthur: I order you to be quiet!
      • King Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king!
      • King Arthur: How do you do, good lady? I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
      • King Arthur: Bloody peasant!
    • King Of Swamp Castle
      • King of Swamp Castle: This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who.
    • Knights Who Say Ni!
      • Knights who say Ni!: Ni!
    • Minstrel
      • Minstrel: Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot. He was not afraid to die, oh brave Sir Robin. He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways, brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin. He was not in the least bit scared to being mashed into a pulp, or to have his eyes carved out, and his elbows broken. To have his kneecap split, and his body burned away, and his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin. His head smashed in and heart cut out, and his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged, and his nostrils ripped and his bottom burned off and his penis.
    • Narrator
      • Narrator: The wise Sir Bedevere was the first to join King Arthur's knights, but other illustrious names were soon to follow: Sir Launcelot the Brave; Sir Galahad the Pure; and Sir Robin the Not-quite-so-brave-as-Sir-Launcelot who had nearly fought the Dragon of Angnor,who had nearly stood up to the viscious Chicken of Bristol and who had personally wet himself at the Battle of Badon Hill; and the aptly named Sir Not-appearing-in-this-film. Together they formed a band whose names and deeds were to be retold throughout the centuries, the Knights of the Round Table.
    • Tim
      • Tim: Follow. But! Follow only if ye be men of valour, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth.
    • Witch
      • Witch: I'm not a witch, I'm not a witch!
    • Zoot
      • Zoot: You must spank her well, and after you are done with her, you may deal with her as you like... and then, spank me!
      • Zoot: Yes! Yes, you must give us all a good spanking!
      • Zoot: And after the spanking, the oral sex!
  • Trivia
  • Weapons-Explosives
    • The Holy Hand Grenade
      • Used to destroy the Rabbit of Caerbannog

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